Daily Mood Quote
Day 237 – January 11, 2012
“Friendships are discovered rather than made.”
~Harriet Beecher Stowe
What is the difference between friendship and networking? I ask this question because recent events in my life raise the questions of what and why? What are your motives? Why are you talking to me? Why do you want to connect with me? I hate to be so cynical, but these are questions I have to ask. Allow me to give you a little insight into my life. In my family there seemed always to be an ulterior motive, or hook on everything that was done, or said. All favors were conditional and on a “what can you do for me” basis. Nothing was ever from the good of the heart, or just plain ol' love. Consequently, I don't have a great deal of trust for other's motives, when they suddenly pop back into my life after years of distance and want me to friend them on Facebook and invite them into my Linkedin network. “I have questions, queries, posers” that come to mind (thanks Number 5 played by Tim Blaney from the movie Short Circuit with Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg).
These are folks that I once thought of as friends, but now I wonder about that. The era of social networking seems to be becoming less social and more network. I feel that is a loss for all of us. Today people flock to “friend” as many people as possible to build their social profile online. But in the race to hook into the network, we often bypass the basic building blocks of friendship. The first of which is a genuine emotional, not digital, connection to those we know. You just can't get that without an in person experience. The second basic block on which real friendships are built is trust and that takes a while to establish and grow (especially with me, I once had a friend say to me, “you have some very thick walls people need to break through, but once they are through, the friendship is worth it). As in the fable of the bamboo grower, “It takes time.” The third block upon which friendship is built is shared goals, interests, or other emotionally connected experiences; be they positive, or negative. Emotion counts. If there is no emotion, there is no friendship, its that simple. That's how we connect to people and develop friendships. To call it anything else is a lie and I can’t support that and you can't get that from a “digital network.”
If it's just a way to “leverage” an acquaintance, let's be honest about it. Your not looking for a friendship, your developing a means, a way to get what you want, be it a job, a promotion, a status...whatever. Much like my mom, “I'll give that to you, if you do this for me.” I have to wonder if this was Mark Zuckerberg's intention for Facebook. I know I'm being cynical here, but it seems to me that we have taken a great idea and bastardized it into a “what can you do for me opportunity.” Both online and off, and no longer about “genuine friendship.” I have noticed that people's offline behavior is beginning to mimic this online “friending” fraud. Online habits seem to leak into real life. It leaves me wondering does anyone know what friendship is anymore, what it looks like or even how one is suppose to behave in public? Or, is it all about, “hey he/she is in a position that can help me move up, so I think I will friend him/her on Facebook, or Linkedin.” It seems as what was once a wonderful way to stay connected to family and your true friends has become the domain of networking vultures. Always circling, always drifting in search of that next connection to exploit.
To be fair, I know of some people who don't use Facebook for networking, for them it is about keeping in touch with family and sharing those precious moments with loved ones; that is awesome. I have had a friend for thirty years and she will be the first one to tell you, it took a long time for me to trust her and become friends with her. But when we did, we both will tell you, the friendship is worth it. Oh the stories we could tell, unfortunately, we wouldn't be able to stop laughing long enough to tell them. You can't get this through a random Facebook friend, whom you have never really met.
I know this sounds a bit curmudgeonly and I apologize, but when something bugs me I have to get it out. Three weeks ago, my dad died and I thought perhaps my siblings and I might become closer now that our parents are gone. In fact the opposite has happened. I have reached out, but I haven't heard from anyone since my dad passed. Perhaps they are still grieving, but that isn't what history has taught me. I believe I won't hear from them, unless I have something to offer them. Love with strings, friendships with strings (networking). I miss my dad very much, because his love didn't come with strings attached. They're just following an example was set many years ago by mom, “I'll do this for you, if you do this for me.” Much like networking. It's sad.
Can you tell the difference between “friendship” and “networking friendship” today?
Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote
Thank you for reading
