Daily Mood Quote
Day 221 – December 13, 2011
“Success is...Knowing your purpose in life, Growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing seeds that benefit others.”
~John Maxwell
Define success, or what we believe to be success: It can be viewed in real, spiritual and sometimes completely fictitious ways, just like modern physics! Some define success as having money and financial wherewithal, others with power and social or political influence. Other are more visual (I'll pass on the term superficial for now) and define success by the cars we drive and the clothes we wear. They put a powerful emphasis on the physical, external attributes of their lives. Like houses without furniture these people focus on the exterior image, curb appeal and mortgage their values and self-worth to create an exterior shell of perceived success. Question: What good is it to have a house you can barely afford, if you can't hang curtains on the windows, or furnish it properly? I have seen real brick and mortar houses in affluent neighborhoods, with sheets for window covers. Its kind of sad really. I have also seen people who are much the same...that's past sad and into tragic. Is it to say, hey I have a house (note: I didn't say home, there is a vast difference) in this posh, affluent neighborhood, knowing they can never allow anyone inside, because they have no furniture in the rooms, or curtains on the windows? But, hey they have the house? I guess they've got to start somewhere, or in many cases, start at the top and work their way backwards. You'll fill it up eventually right? Obviously, lots of folk have clear cut cases of what might be termed “backward prioritizing.” Of course there is also the other version of this scenario, where houses, garages, storage areas and every other nook and cranny are jam packed with “stuff” that is never used, broken and never quite discarded. Even if that means creating a hazard to life and limb, they hang onto stuff that has no good use in their life. This is true in too many cases, both physical and metaphysical. Or, are we using all these things to define our self-image, because our image is directly tied into our misplaced concept of self-worth?
Wayne Dyer said, “Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” Yet, so often our self-worth is something we allow others to control. I know of several people, young and old who suffer from depression, because they worry so much about what others think, desperately seeking approval, acceptance, that sense of belonging they attribute to self-worth. “When you please others in hopes of being accepted, you lose your self-worth in the process” said Dave Pelzer. I for one understand wanting to belong. It is a natural human drive, we are for better or worse herd animals. The “lone wolves” of the world often have little choice in the matter. Mostly its not because they value their self image, its because they don't, or haven’t been able to separate self-worth from self involvement, they are not the same. In more cases than not self-worth develops from reaching out, not gazing within. From standing firm on principle, not from naval gazing.
As I see it, success really has little to do with what stuff one has, it has everything to do with how we perceive the path we have walked and what we have learned from it. Knowing that where we are headed is more important than where we have been. “Stuff” and peoples infatuation with it can be a chain, or an anchor if one is of a nautical mind, that keeps us from moving forward. Or, it can be a tool to help us along. Perception is the difference. I learned several years back that fortune can be fleeting and money counts for little if you lose your health, or even worse fail to teach the next generation how to be better than we have been. To that respect, we have been blessed with children that exceed our expectations on every level, including solid foundations of self-image and the understanding that all the “stuff” in the world can't replace a hug from a loved one. And the “do the right thing” sometimes, most times, involves a little up front sacrifice, but it usually yields tremendous long-term benefits for everyone involved. Kind of like investing in the soul. Every once in a while, somebody may fool them and their feelings could get hurt. But, when people “do the right thing” for the right reasons, they always gain self-worth and a bit of wisdom, even if they never hear a thank you. That's successful living.
So, to the man who drives the BMW, drops his child off at school and them proceeds to flip the finger at walkers in his path and to the woman who screams at her daughter in public, then treats people rudely and disrespectfully, and to the many who spread gossip in front of their children, in effort to fit in, or build their self up at the expense of others, I have a quote for you. Virginia Satir said, “Every word, facial expression, gesture, or action on the part of a parent gives the child some message about self-worth. It is sad that so many parents don't realize what message they are sending.” How do you think their children will define success? It's a slippery slope....generation after generation spinning downward to the lowest and the meanest, instead of upward toward the best we can be.
What will define your self-worth today?
Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote
Thank you for reading
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