Daily Mood Quote
Day 152 – October 2, 2011
“We acquire the strength we have overcome.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well, in my reading I have found that it is not Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome I suffer from, it is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD. I apologize for the error (see October 1, 2011 Daily Mood Quotes). Based on what I have read, I am inclined to agree with the doctor's diagnosis, because it has been nearly four years since this event and it still affects me in many ways. Primarily through an irrational fear of going to the doctor.
Here's the thing, while doing the research I realized that the ruptured appendix was the trigger that brought PTSD to the forefront of my life. There was an underlying event that had some control in my life and I didn't realize it, until I read the research. The underlying issues involved my childhood and my mother's doctor. I can remember going to several appointments with my mother as a young girl. The doctor came in the exam room, asked my mother what refills she needed, then wrote the prescriptions. He never examined her and never asked how she was doing. Then we were off to the drug store. Her addiction to prescription drugs, due to an unscrupulous doctor, precipitated a very difficult and abusive childhood. So, my distrust for doctors began at an early age.
However, through mandatory doctor appointments in the military, I slowly learned to begin to trust and communicate with doctors. I told them about my childhood and they took the time to listen; and be doctors, not a pill dispenser. Five babies later, and years of yearly doctors appointments and check-ups, I was doing good, staying healthy, eating right, exercising and getting the necessary check-ups women need to get each year; until that fateful event. I knew I should go and see my doctor, I had health insurance, but because I don't drive (the eyesight issues), it was too late to see my regular doctor. My husband worked an hour away and the alternatives were the “doc-in-a-box,” or an expensive trip to the ER. I chose the doc-in-a box” option. The rest as they say is history. Multiple wrong diagnosis’s ensued until SURPRISE, there I was in the ER anyway, with my life hanging by a thread. The appendix had burst, the infection was running rampant in my abdomen and the surgery went from routine to life saving. I will forever be thankful for the capable people who were on duty, that fateful Saturday evening.
But, the damage had been done to my body and to my great surprise my psyche. The flood of bad memories came back and all those old fears rose to the surface like a fishing bobber. My doctor's recommendation was that it's time to speak to a professional. He's right, I have been trying to resolve this issue through my own mental toughness, but it's just not working. I need a few ideas and problem solving solutions. I'll make that call this week.
In the movie Princess Diaries, with Julie Andrews (Queen Clarisse Renaldi) and Hector Elizondo (Joe), Eduard Christoff Philippe Gerard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia (played by Rene Auberjonois) wrote this to his daughter Mia (Anne Hathaway) in a letter, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.” I guess even the strongest of people need help and a little guidance to get through the tough stuff. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “you gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along...You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” So, to my irrational fears I say: “I see you now for what you are, I'll gather my forces and defeat you.”
How will you face your fears today?
Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote
Thank you for reading
