Daily Mood Quote - October 2, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 152 – October 2, 2011

“We acquire the strength we have overcome.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well, in my reading I have found that it is not Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome I suffer from, it is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD. I apologize for the error (see October 1, 2011 Daily Mood Quotes). Based on what I have read, I am inclined to agree with the doctor's diagnosis, because it has been nearly four years since this event and it still affects me in many ways. Primarily through an irrational fear of going to the doctor.

Here's the thing, while doing the research I realized that the ruptured appendix was the trigger that brought PTSD to the forefront of my life. There was an underlying event that had some control in my life and I didn't realize it, until I read the research. The underlying issues involved my childhood and my mother's doctor. I can remember going to several appointments with my mother as a young girl. The doctor came in the exam room, asked my mother what refills she needed, then wrote the prescriptions. He never examined her and never asked how she was doing. Then we were off to the drug store. Her addiction to prescription drugs, due to an unscrupulous doctor, precipitated a very difficult and abusive childhood. So, my distrust for doctors began at an early age.

However, through mandatory doctor appointments in the military, I slowly learned to begin to trust and communicate with doctors. I told them about my childhood and they took the time to listen; and be doctors, not a pill dispenser. Five babies later, and years of yearly doctors appointments and check-ups, I was doing good, staying healthy, eating right, exercising and getting the necessary check-ups women need to get each year; until that fateful event. I knew I should go and see my doctor, I had health insurance, but because I don't drive (the eyesight issues), it was too late to see my regular doctor. My husband worked an hour away and the alternatives were the “doc-in-a-box,” or an expensive trip to the ER. I chose the doc-in-a box” option. The rest as they say is history. Multiple wrong diagnosis’s ensued until SURPRISE, there I was in the ER anyway, with my life hanging by a thread. The appendix had burst, the infection was running rampant in my abdomen and the surgery went from routine to life saving. I will forever be thankful for the capable people who were on duty, that fateful Saturday evening.

But, the damage had been done to my body and to my great surprise my psyche. The flood of bad memories came back and all those old fears rose to the surface like a fishing bobber. My doctor's recommendation was that it's time to speak to a professional. He's right, I have been trying to resolve this issue through my own mental toughness, but it's just not working. I need a few ideas and problem solving solutions. I'll make that call this week.

In the movie Princess Diaries, with Julie Andrews (Queen Clarisse Renaldi) and Hector Elizondo (Joe), Eduard Christoff Philippe Gerard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia (played by Rene Auberjonois) wrote this to his daughter Mia (Anne Hathaway) in a letter, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.” I guess even the strongest of people need help and a little guidance to get through the tough stuff. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “you gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along...You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” So, to my irrational fears I say: “I see you now for what you are, I'll gather my forces and defeat you.”

How will you face your fears today?

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Daily Mood Quote - September 17, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 137 – September 17, 2011

Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.

~Wayne Dyer

Last night, I was watching the CBS Evening News with Scott Pelley. I know, I watch this a lot but personally I feel staying aware on current events and affairs is important. Anyway, it makes for great family dinner conversation. One of the stories was about bullying. It is considered a national epidemic. One in four children are being bullied and nationally 160,000 a day are scared to go to school, or miss school all together due to bullying.

CBS aired a program last evening called “Words can kill” and many of the things the kids said about how they felt about being bullied I understood. You see I was bullied in elementary school. I went to a parochial school that carried kindergarten through eighth grade and in the sixth, seventh and eighth grade, I can't remember a single thing that was enjoyable about those years. I hated school, I hated the kids, but more importantly I hated myself because I began to believe all the things the kids were saying about me. In the sixth grade a horrible thing happened to me that changed the course of my life and relationships that still has a very small impact on me today. Time heals all wounds, but some wounds take a long time to heal. Anyway after this horrible thing happened, I considered suicide myself. Imagine an eleven year old thinking about taking their own life, because they believe that's the best way to handle problems. You see school bullying wasn't the only thing I was dealing with, my home life was pretty tumultuous as well. I had no escape, no safe haven, I believed (mind of an eleven year old), things would be better if I were gone. No one knew how tortured I was, because I couldn't tell anyone, not even my parents. I genuinely believed no one cared. I was alone, like many other bullied kids probably felt and possibly feel today.

The turning point in my life was a teacher, (so often this is the case) my six grade science teacher. I missed the extra credit question (I'll never forget this), “Which comes first thunder or lightening?” I put thunder, I was wrong and became very upset with myself and when we were released for lunch, my teacher asked me to stay behind. He knew I was upset and wanted to know why. I told him, “Because I got it wrong, I never get anything right. I'm stupid.” He vigorously disagreed with me, he told me, “You tried and trying is the key, no one else even tried the question. You took a chance, that's how you grow, you learn. You can survive anything if you believe you can, you just can't stop trying. Believe in yourself.” As I look back on that now, I realize he may have known I was being bullied and that my home life was not very supportive. He moved the course of my life into a different direction and I never considered being “gone” again. I realized that what those kids did to me wasn't any worse than what I was receiving at home, and what I was receiving at home wasn't any worse than what I was receiving at school. I had survived so far; so I can survive this, I will survive this, and I did. I left home at eighteen.

Dave Pelzer said, “when you please others in hope of being accepted you lose your self-worth in the process.” Last night's program, “Words can Kill” I saw a lot of kids wanting to be accepted; but instead the harder they tired, the more they were rejected. One young boy inferred that if your not an athlete, then your weird. Not really a good reason to be bullied. Everybody has different gifts, some play in band, some do drama, some write, some sing, everybody is different. It's those differences that make up the tapestry of our world. We all know my favorite quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” When children give that kind of “power” to their peers, they are taking an awful risk. Let's not kid ourselves, there is a natural tendency to try and assert dominance and get to the “head of the pack”, or be a pack member in adolescent behavior. If your out, well then your out. It's built into the DNA and this tendency will only decrease as civilization, parenting skills and growth move forward in time (Unfortunately, sooooo many of us never get past that adolescent mindset). “High school never ends” (thank you Bowling for Soup). Its how young people perceive that “outness” that makes all the difference. As parents we need to teach them to first never let others have that “power” over their decisions. If they do momentarily surrender it, then they must take back the power and take back their lives. Parents also need to teach children that the “different” gifts are important, not only for them, but also for the world in which we live. Middle school and high school last only a short while and if you can survive that... the world opens up. Because, those gifts are what drives innovation, exploration, and creativity. The world need those things more than ever.

We've lost too many young kids to bullying, time for a change. Let's “step-up and step-in” and be proactive instead of reactive. Parents, Teachers, School Districts, Siblings, and Bystanders...

How will you demonstrate “self-worth”today?

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Daily Mood Quote - September 1, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 121 – September 1, 2011

A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation.

~Moliere

As another wise man once told me “just walk away and disengage, it's not worth it.” Some people just enjoy picking fights and there is nothing that can be done. The best way to avoid such a fight, or argument is to be aware that these folks exist and stay clear when you can. Imagine the time you will save and things you will accomplish by not wasting your time engaging in an unnecessary, often immature situation. In my opinion the first rule of self defense is: “The best way to win a fight is to not be there when it happens.” That is simply taking personal responsibility for awareness of your environment. I could not find reliable statistics for “unnecessary” human conflict. So, I wonder how high the percentage is for people who create unnecessary and unhealthy conflict, just because they are looking for a fight? I wonder if it's in the 90% plus range.

There was a time in my life, when I too was angry. Angry about the way I was raised, the lies I was told about who I am (still don't know this information) and the way I was treated. But, I grew up and more importantly, I forgave those who were responsible for making me feel the way I did and moved on. A long time ago a trainer (I was in boot camp) read a quote to me, that would have a tremendous influence in my view of the world. The quote was by Eleanor Roosevelt, a former first lady, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” These words where also spoken by Joe (played by Hector Elizondo) in the movie The Princess Diaries, to Mia (Anne Hathaway) when her friend Lilly (Heather Matarazzo) tried to make her feel bad about her new hairdo and new found self-worth. I never saw that trainer again after she uttered those words to me and I never had the chance to say thank you. Those words changed my life forever.

I have experienced many situations where it would be easy to let an angry, or selfish person intent on conflict to get what they want. That is, to drag me, or someone I care about, into a unnecessary confrontation, be it verbal or physical. I felt that rush of adrenaline, along with the flush face and it was hard to side-step the aggression. But, I continuously refer back to Eleanor Roosevelt's quote and make the mental choice to not engage. Yes, it is a choice!!

In the movie Michael, Michael (played by John Travolta) has a conversation the Frank Quinlan (William Hurt) that went like this:

Michael: Remember what John and Paul said.
Frank Quinlan: The apostles?
Michael: No, the Beatles. All you need is love.

I feel you also need forgiveness and a little common sense doesn't hurt either. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said, “Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.” Yesterday I read a sign it said, "Peace, Love and Cupcakes..." What do you think?

What “image” will you project today?

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Daily Mood Quote - August 11, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 100 – August 11, 2011

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

~John F. Kennedy

Allow me to apologize for the delay in the blog today. My husband says, “technology fails us when we need it most” and that's what happened this morning, we had a minor equipment malfunction and it took some time to figure it out. It seems that the dog Chester slept under the desk last night and caused a few disconnections, leave it to our goofy rabbit chasing, wind barker Chester...

Today, Daily Mood Quotes blog is 100 days in the making and when I started this blog on May 5, 2011, I never imagined I would have received so many positive and thought provoking responses from so many people around the world. Your input has been both a blessing and an eye opener. I want to say “thank you” to everyone who reads the Daily Mood Quotes blog regularly, I really appreciate it.

Someone asked me, “why do you post quotes?” When I was a little girl, I would often read a quote in a book that would make me think, or turn a bad day into a good day, even give me a reason to smile. It helped me hold onto a better tomorrow or at least believe that there was a better tomorrow. It worked then and it still works for me today. I find quotes very uplifting and thought provoking and sometimes in life a good quote can be very applicable.

I received an e-mail a couple of months ago asking me, “Do you have a favorite quote?' I don't, I have several favorite authors, but no one favorite quote, although Eleanor Roosevelt's quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” is a very strong contender. I believe that this is a very powerful concept, because it talks about responsibility and consequence. As individuals, we can only control a very, very small part of all the things that are going on around us in our lives. The one thing we have the greatest control over, is our actions and our reactions. We have the responsibility to guard our personal dignity; no one can do that for us. It isn't about if someone else respects you or not. It is about whether or not you respect yourself. The consequence of not guarding your personal dignity is that you surrender control of the one thing, regardless of circumstance, makes the difference between living the life you can be proud of, or one you may not be so proud of. Guard your dignity well, it is one of your most precious gifts.

Again, I would like to thank all of my readers, from around the world, for their time and input. I have been asked to continue the blog and so as Westley aka. the Dread Pirate Roberts (Cary Elwes) said to Princess Buttercup (Robin Wright) in The Princess Bride...”As you wish.” Have a great 100^th day! Thank you.

How will you guard your personal dignity today?

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Daily Mood Quote - August 1, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 90 – August 1, 2011

We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.

~Mary Dunbar

Eleven years ago our world collapse around us. Everything we had worked for was taken away in an instant. At least it seemed like an instant, but was actually “a series of unfortunate events.” First our entire life savings was pilfered by our accountant and at about the same time, business dried up and our remaining clients went from paying in 30 day cycles to 180 day cycles. Then several of them filed bankruptcy at once, leaving us holding the bag for all the expenses. Oh by the way, the ne'er-do-well accountant also had misfiled our tax returns for several years. This was not a happy year for us. Unfortunately, insurance doesn't cover stupid. Actually naive would be a better word, we knew the business, we just didn't “know” business. Trust me there is a big difference between the two.

At the time, we made the only decision we felt we had. We went home after months of pressure from family to come home and be “safe.” What a grave mistake, we took the bait, “hook, line and sinker” (thank you Die Hard with a Vengeance). Needless to say, the family did not have our best interest in mind, they had their own agenda. It would have been better to face the fear than to run from it. We learned nothing by running, at least at that time. Well here we are again, different place, different players but the same game. In the movie Die Hard 2, John McClane (played by Bruce Willis) said, “How can the same s#$% happen to the same guy twice?” I personally believe that when you are faced with the same situation twice in your lifetime, it means you have something to learn from it. So, the question is, do we buckle under the pressure to run and move somewhere else to satisfy our “families” desire to have us safe and in their grasp, or do we stand our ground, work through the problems despite the fear and palpable uncertainty?

In the movie, Sister Act 2, Sister Mary Clarence (played by Whoopi Goldberg) said to her students, “If you wanna go somewhere and you wanna be somebody...you better wake up and pay attention. Because if every time something scary comes up you decide to run...y'all are gonna be runnin' for the rest of your lives.” Moving - running doesn't always yield the best results, if we can't make it here, then what is the guarantee we can make it somewhere else? Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” In his classic Sci-Fi book series Dune, Frank Herbert wrote an interesting mantra about fear, “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” It has been my experience that fear has never made a good life decision. I'm not taking about “getting out of the way of a speeding bus” type fear, but long-term health and welfare decisions. What others think and fear only matters to other people. Not this time fear, not this time.

How will you stand your ground and face “fear” today?

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Daily Mood Quote - July 8, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 65 – July 8, 2011

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.

~Wayne Dyer

Yesterday, I expressed frustration and disappointment regarding others attitude towards my disability. Today, I will make a conscious effort to no longer allow others to dictate my successes. How we approach our lives is a choice. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” OK world, you no longer have my consent to make me feel bad about something that is out of my control.

In return, I will not make others feel bad for being ignorant or judgmental...There is another great phrase, “sh*% happens” and guess what, it really does. It happens to everyone. Some a little less severe than others, but I guarantee you, it does happen to everyone at some point in their life. You have a choice, be miserable about it and sing the song, “Woe is me” or get motivated and move on. In the movie Trading Places, Louis Winthorpe III (played by Dan Aykroyd) said to Billy Ray Valentine (played by Eddie Murphy) “Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat....” as they were determined to undermine the nefarious efforts of Randolph and Mortimer Duke (Ralph Bellamy, Don Ameche) at the New York Stock Exchange, as they tried to corner the orange juice market. Well, I'm not going for the throat, I'm just not that kind of person, instead I will be me. An individual with a better place and a better purpose in the world.

Individuality...when it comes down to the basics, that's one thing that will remain when all else has been stripped away by the erosive forces of life and random chance. “We are who we choose to be...” (thanks Iron Giant). And when we gaze deep into the mirror, even with fading eyesight, we find the building blocks that we can use to become who and what we most need to be. Notice, I said need, not want. Want is a willy-nilly word, it implies lack of commitment and conviction. Need has conviction built in. Sometimes who we "need" to be is a far better person than what we “want” to be. We don't need to wait for things to be better, or for fair winds to blow our way. Rig the sail in anticipation and paddle if you need to. To get “there” we all need to start from where we are. Today, I will start anew.

What will the mirror tell you today?

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Daily Mood Quote - June 14, 2011

Daily Mood Quote

Day 41 – June14, 2011

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~Dale Carnegie

A very long time ago, nearly 27 years now, a supervisor said to me, “The worst thing that could happen is they say no” and continued with “so what are you afraid of?”

Everyone has that moment in their life that stops them short, or begins the growth of confidence. This was my moment. I turned to him and ask the question, “What if they say no, then what?” I got a simple answer, “You find another way to get to yes.” “Life doesn't end because someone said no, it just means you have to work harder, find a different direction, change the way you do things.” “Your a smart girl, figure it out.” My first task was to figure out why and what I was afraid of. When you are twenty years old, without an education and many unanswered questions about life, every new experience has something to gain and something to lose. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” I did live through it and gained much confidence and courage. I lost only my self-doubt and fear of rejection lost it's hold on me. Thanks Master Chief.

In the movie, Back to the Future, Marty McFly (played by Michael J. Fox) says in fear and worry, “What if I take the tape in and they don't like it, what if they say I'm no good, what if they say "Get out of here kid. You've got no future." I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection.” Words like that can sting but, they are just words, the worst thing they could say is no. I understand words can hurt, especially if those words are from someone you respect. However, if we let those words stop us, then we never give confidence or ourselves for that matter, a chance to grow. Confidence is gained by doing, no matter what you are trying to do in life, there will always be naysayers. There will certainly always be that someone who says; “You can't do that” or “what if you fail?” I say; So what if you fail... get up, dust yourself off and find a way to get to yes. The confidence you gain is another building block for life, that lets you see higher and farther. Everybody who has ever attained anything of value and substance has failed at one point or another. Just look at the lives of Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, or Michael Jordan. Confidence gained by trying is the catalyst that propels us forward, after those failures and what ultimately helps us achieve our own success.

What will you do to "build your confidence" today?

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Daily Mood Quote - May 28, 2011

Daily Mood Quote

Day 24 – May 28, 2011

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. 

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Yesterday, My husband and I ran into a friend who shared with us a difficult decision, that needed to be made in his family. My heart tugged for him and his family. There are two types of decisions we make everyday (business decisions excluded). Decisions we make for ourselves and decisions we make for others. Sometimes the decisions you would make yourself, is not the decision you would make for a loved one. This is where the head and the heart generally disconnect. Often the common sense, practical decision cuts at our being, as we struggle to do what is right, but do so in the board room of the heart. The question isn't really “What is best”, there is an addendum on the question that adds ...for them, me and for all the stakeholders. If you choose “for me” then you can set yourself up for remorse. If you choose “for them”, you often deny your own worth. If you choose “for everyone involved”, somebody surely won't be happy with your call. If you choose to do nothing then life makes that decision and more times than not, nobody is happy.

While I can't say without qualification that the “for everybody involved” is the best decision all the time, I believe it is better to bear the pain of potential criticism and make the logical and responsible call, than to let your or a loved one's “wants” make that call. You need to be confident enough in your own process to make the “what is right” call. It may be tough on our emotional heart, but our hearts are resilient things when we know the facts and face the truths.

In the movie Star Trek III: The Search of Spock, Captain Kirk (played by William Shatner) said to Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock), “...Because the needs of the one, outweigh the needs of the many.” The key is to understand the difference between the “needs” and the “wants.” In the situation regarding our friend, what needs to be done should take precedent over the wants of the heart, or everyone may end up suffering, needlessly. We wish him grace in his decision making and peace after the decision is made.

What process “wants or needs” will you use in making the tough decisions?

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