Day 191 – November 11, 2011
“No one else can ever make you choices for you. Your choices are yours alone. They are as much a part of you as every breath you will take, every moment of your life.”
~Dr. Shad Helmstetter (from the book “Choices”)
Sometimes, we don't think about the myriad of choices we make everyday. I know I don't. Somethings we do are routine, choices we made that became daily routines, removing the element of making a decision. Some good examples; getting out of bed in the morning, we don't "have" to do this, but we do because it involves getting the family moving for the day, going to work, and living life. Imagine removing that from routine to choice. Now you are facing the consequences of not getting out of bed, the family either not moving or running late, not going to work and missing out on all the connections you would have made that day. I guess what I'm saying is that decisions/choices are a form of responsibility and not making them leads to consequences.
When my children where little, about age 2, my husband and I began teaching them how to make choices and to understand that their choices had consequences, or rewards. Granted at age 2, the choices were simple. The choices were; this cereal or that, which stuffed animal to take, etc. Small things in baby steps. But as the children aged a bit, the choices began to take a more visible turn. My youngest daughter has a style all her own. She is a gift, but when we were teaching her to dress herself, color coordination seemed to elude her. We believed that she was convinced; "the more colors the better." Most days she looked like a walking crayon box; a lovable, stubborn crayon box. But it was her choice to make some decisions and what could be more basic than attire? This went on well into her third year of school. I smiled, cringed and let her find her own style, because to take away her choice would have meant; first a battle of wills (she is a very strong willed child) and secondly asking her to be less than who she was. To conform or blend in, in an effort to keep from embarrassing who exactly? This I believed simply was not appropriate and I couldn't do that to her. This was her choice, not mine. I am certain that in order to find oneself and understand who you are early, you need to go through this phase of life. Make the silly choices and the minor mistakes while you are young and the consequences are little more that a few giggles and a joke or two. Because, if you can learn from the little mistakes and erroneous choices as a child, when you become an adult you know better how to evaluate your choices and make better ones.
But, children have to be given the opportunities to figure these things out for themselves. Parents too often take away those choices and that choice can have dire consequence in the future. Parents obsessed with the perfect family image, or preventing little Jack or Jill from getting their feelings hurt, snatch away those crucial opportunities for their children to learn to decide on their own, who they are and what they stand for. I have seen far too many people out there in the “big world” who have had all the decisions made for them early in life and subsequently are not able to make a good one, when it's there time up at bat and mom and dad are not there to tell them what to do. This usually goes one of two ways. First, the child can't make a good decision and relies on other peoples decisions based on other people's agendas to run their life. These are the “blind followers” of the world. The co-dependents lost and lonely. They are the people who vote party or name recognition, not platform or policy. We all know how that one ends up. “Not happy Bob, not happy at all...” (Thank you to Disney's The Incredibles). Or, they get fed up, rebel and go out of their way to make everyone around them pay for not having a little freedom to learn from mistakes early in life. They can do so subtly, by ignoring their family and making sure that no matter where they go, or what they do, their disdain for mom and dad is widely understood. This usually begins in the teen years. They spread their misery far and wide because they can and also begin to disdain authority and the law just for spite. They often pay a high price for their new decisions. Not at all what mom and dad were hoping for. Or even better, they live on mom and dad's sofa at 35, or in the basement, now a “command center” as described by Freddie “Warlock” Kaludis (played by Kevin Smith) to John McClane (played by Bruce Willis), in Live Free or Diehard.
Well after all that, I can tell you I came from a very controlling home environment, and when I questioned it or made a choice of my own, there was a very high consequence to pay. No lesson to grow from, just consequence. Sadly, the environment I lived in was not a teaching one. Consequently, I have made mistakes as an adult; some have taught me very valuable lessons and others have simply cost me dearly. The point is, I may have learned something as a child that could of benefited me as an adult; if only the opportunity to make those kind of little choices early, would have been there. What life lessons would they have taught? The next generation, in my opinion, is our most important task. If we fail to let them try, fail and learn today, we have no one to blame for their failures tomorrow, but ourselves. Dr. Shad Helmstetter also said, “There may be a thousand little choices in a day. All of them count.”
How will you view your "choices" today?
Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote
Thank you for reading
