Daily Mood Quote - July 31, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 89 – July 31, 2011

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

~Winston Churchill

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

~Mohandas Gandhi

When I sat down today, the last thing I wanted to do was write a blog, which is why this is late. It's hot outside and my knee hurts (old bike accident from many years ago). I was going to write about the third “F” of our family trying to find the new normal (my husband hates the "new normal" phrase), but I really don't want too. Remember, this is a mood quote blog. The country is going to heck in a hand basket (possible default on bills for our country, economic problems, high unemployment, and a gallon of milk has gone up 50 percent in the last week, not to mention gas prices). I am finding it difficult to be Little Mary Sunshine today (no, my name is not Mary). It would be so easy to quit after having two of the most disappointing weeks a family can have. I just wanted to scream and yell at everybody who is doing it wrong and tell them “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.” but that doesn't seem to help. Mostly, they just don't care. ARRRRGH!!!

One of the first things I do in the morning is check my e-mail, to see if there is anything I need to deal with immediately. This morning, I got an e-mail from my younger sister, who I believe reads this blog. She sent me an e-mail of encouragement this morning... it couldn't have been more perfectly timed, just when I was ready to quit. Here's what happened. Last week, she sent me an e-mail that was a test for “how old are your eyes.” The first test was find the B in several rows of R's, then find the 6 in several rows of 9s and so on. I found them all in this test, which is funny for a person with a vision disability. It took a few extra minutes and I enlarged the font size (maybe that's cheating, I don't know) but, hey there are “Vision issues here.” Anyway, I sent her back an e-mail reminding her, that she sent this e-mail to a visually impaired person. She sent me an e-mail that said, “I realize I sent this to someone who has a college degree and has an international blog...so where is the disability?...” She reminded me, I don't let anything get me down. Not for long anyway.

She was right and maybe this blog is about family after all. It seems no matter how much the world kicks your butt, family is there to pick you up. Even if you don't live in the same city, or state anymore. Sometimes “family” can be those few true friends we find in life. It's that little word of encouragement, at the right time, that helps people with their continuous efforts. Thanks Sis.

In the movie Rocky, Rocky (played by Sylvester Stallone) says to Adrian (Talia Shire), “I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.” Well, I'm not a boxer, but I can and will “go the distance” (thanks ghost voice from Field of Dreams). I won't stop three feet short of the gold (Napoleon Hill - Think and Grow Rich). Let's see where it goes.

How will you apply continuous effort and indomitable will today?

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Daily Mood Quote - July 30, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 88 – July 30, 2011

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.

~Les Brown

Burning desire to be or do something gives us staying power - a reason to get up every morning or to pick ourselves up and start in again after a disappointment.

~Marsha Sinetar

Another disappointing week, on Thursday my husband received an e-mail, not a phone call (cowards) saying he was no longer a candidate for a job he had an in-person interview for, a week earlier. Yes, this was the job he had to “sign-off” on for a credit check, to get the interview. Yes, this was also the job that “claimed” they wouldn’t “do” a credit check, unless they offered him a job. No job offer, a credit check was done... typical...immoral, unethical, but typical. Shame on you, because you just lost the hardest working, most honest, educated, intelligent and talented person you could ever find to work for your company. I wonder if Warren Buffet would approve of these hiring practices? I have also wondered if Donald Trump, a man who has filed bankruptcy himself-several times, has ever turned away a good employee candidate, because they have had hard, or unfortunate times? Just a question.

I can tell you when someone in the family suffers a disappointment, it affects everyone in the family and it takes sometime to get over it. Especially when you have the education, experience, intelligence, talent and drive, but you can't catch a break because of your credit score. Hard to believe that our society has found a way to pre-judge people, make assumptions (we all know what a-s-s-u-m-e means) and use irrelevant personal information against someone. Studies have shown repeatedly, credit rating cannot predict job performance. Yet, it continues to be a HR screening tool. If I didn't know better, I would think we were all back in high school. Wow, what a flashback .. “not happy Bob, not happy at all” (thanks The Incredibles). In my personal opinion human resources people - departments are just about the worst thing to ever happen to the business world. The first, depends on who you are and your situation. For us, the worst are small minded, business people who lie, or claim to be experts (accountants) and then sell you a bill of goods and Famuzzled (fa-muzz-l-ed, my husband has stronger words,but we won't use them) up your taxes. Don't even get me started....

All right, maybe I am being a little harsh, but everybody needs to vent, this is me venting, or hopefully making enough of a point to change things. I really don't like the way businesses do business anymore. Yesterday, on the CBS News with Scott Pelley (Bob Schieffer was filling in) there was a news report on the four newly elected politicians from South Carolina, discussing their votes on the debt plan. I found myself having respect for these four “Renegade Republicans” for standing their ground and not letting Washington get away with “business as usual” “the wheeling and dealing for a vote.” Maybe some companies can follow the examples of these Renegade Republicans and hire the right people and not “paper-perfect”, or worthless relatives for the job. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Why would someone want to continue to cause bad things to happen to others by not giving them a opportunity? What have we previously said about the universe? “What goes around, comes around!” Look out.

In the movie Major League, Ricky Vaughn (played by Charlie Sheen) said to Lou Brown (James Gammon), “I got news for you Mr. Brown, you haven't heard the last of me. You may think I'm shit now, but someday you're gonna be sorry you cut me. I'm gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I'm gonna stick it up you're f@#$%^' a**!” OK, you get the point. In the movie Dave, President “Dave” (played by Kevin Kline) says to a room full of press reporters, “If you've ever seen the look on somebody's face the day they finally get a job, I've had some experience with this, they look like they could fly. And its not about the paycheck, it's about respect, it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that you've done something valuable with your day. And if one person could start to feel this way, and then another person, and then another person, soon all these other problems may not seem so impossible. You don't really know how much you can do until you, stand up and decide to try.” People are trying, now companies and organizations need to try too.

Who will you give a “second chance” to today?

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Daily Mood Quote - July 29, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 87 – July 29, 2011

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.

~Margaret J. Wheatley

One of the inescapable laws of the universe is; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This also happens when we refuse to take action, it draws action toward us that we may not see, until its too late and we have no control over it. We don't always see the effects of our actions, be they thoughtful or thoughtless. But, we can be assured the reaction happens just the same. When we push a “personal agenda” we often are blinded to how that agenda affects others and the world around us. Even if the agenda has the “best of intentions” the result in other areas may be unintended and consequential.

The other day, I had the opportunity to watch how a well intended, but ill timed action created a whole series of negative consequences. On a major highway near my home, a minivan crossed lanes to take an off-ramp ahead of a semi-trailer and caused a major accident at a very busy intersection. I'm sure that nobody in the van “intended” to cause the ensuing carnage and confusion. But, it happened just the same.The driver just wanted to take “this off-ramp,” at “this time” and didn't allow room for error, or take into consideration others on the road. The “best of intentions” tied to personal agendas more often than not lead to more problems and many unintended consequences. A simple thoughtless action, created damage, hurt innocent people, made people late for appointments, stopped critical goods and services from reaching their destination, raised all of our insurance rates....the list goes on and on. And so during the two hours it took to reopen the road and clear the mess; nothing else happened and nothing got done, at least right there AND, the persons in the van never got on the off ramp and to their destination.

The thing is that our culture has fostered the concept of “personal agenda”, well meaning or not, above common sense and the common good. This has lead our government to the brink of default (gee thanks Congress) and many families to be swimming in the same kind of debt that our country is. I believe in personal freedom as much as anyone and strongly support the ideals and intention of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, but they nowhere state “I without thought to others” It says “We the People” OK, point made.

There is another side to this coin that I am obliged to discuss. That is the unintended consequences of kindness. There isn't a downside. It is the one thing in our world which usually reacts in kind, instead of against. Kindness is unique in this behavior. When a genuine kind act is planted it is because the focus isn't on the doer, or “personal agendas” We reach out to the world and it reaches back. It also begins to grow and expand, if even a little bit, and we are all better for it.

In the movie Bruce Almighty, Bruce Nolan (played by Jim Carey) was self-centered, well meaning but more concerned with his “agenda” than anybody else. By pursuing his agenda, he creates chaos and mayhem trying to get Grace (Jennifer Aniston) to come back and love him. Until he learned the lesson "we have to think of others first." Toward the end of the movie, he realizes his “agenda” error and speaks to God, (portrayed by Morgan Freeman) and says, “No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now...”

In short order, things returned to their natural order and she returned that love and kindness. Yes it's just a movie, but the truth is real. Before we a can forward our own “agenda', we must consider others and consider the consequences of our actions, both intended and unintended.

What will your agenda be today?

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Daily Mood Quote

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 86 – July 28, 2011

“Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.”

~Oscar Wilde

Yesterday, while out running errands (paying bills, picking up medications, life stuff...), I came across a young woman who taught me a very valuable lesson, in a short period of time. Once again, I embarrassed myself. I made an assumption based on what I heard, without processing all the facts. I did not hear this from someone else, I don't pay attention to gossip, because gossip is poison. What I heard was the sound of a young woman's voice and what I perceived to be a lovely British accent. I couldn't have been more wrong. I failed to look at the bigger picture and focused on what I heard, instead of what was right in front of me. The young woman was riding in a motorized service cart and she had two small crutches in the service cart basket. It never occurred to me that something more was going on.

When I complimented her on her lovely “British” accent, at first she said, “Thank you” and as we continued to talk, I shared with her that my children enjoy talking in “British” accents. She smiled and informed me that she was not British. I was speechless (I know hard to believe, right?). Anyway, she continued to share with me, her accent comes from a stroke she had and how the stroke affected the muscles in her face, changing the way she speaks. She reminded me that you don't have to be old to have something like this happen to you. She was in her thirties when her stroke occurred. Yet, she was very polite and patient with my ignorance. I apologized for being oblivious and for making an assumption without looking at the bigger picture. She took my hand, shook it, smiled at me and said "No problem." What a classy lady, she took the time to educate and forgive me. We exchanged goodbye pleasantries and I walked away, red faced and a little wiser for having met this extraordinary woman.

In the movie Top Gun, Viper (played by Tom Skerritt) counsels Maverick (Tom Cruise) about Goose's (Anthony Edwards) death, “A good pilot is compelled to evaluate what's happened – And apply what he's learned.” So too in our day-to-day lives, it is very easy to assume things and make mistakes we are embarrassed by. They are "experiences" and are how we learn. Bishop W. C. Magee said, “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.” It's always been our family mantra to “think before you speak” now that has an addendum; be sure of the facts and look at the bigger picture.

What "facts" will you see before you speak today?

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Daily Mood Quote - July 27, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 85 – July 27, 2011

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.

 ~Winston Churchill

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

~Buddha

 

Yesterday, at the grocery store, my husband and I were checking out. There was a couple behind us bragging about their awesome vacation and the beautiful scenery they encountered. The wife was ruffling through her purse, pulling out coupons and handing them to her husband for use at the checkout. He mentioned to her that some of the coupons were expired, and in a much lower tone, she said to him, “Use them anyway, they're stupid here, they won't notice, just slide them through.” I turned my head slightly in his direction, to make him aware that I had heard the exchange. He responded to her, “I'll just put these in my pocket.” Whether or not he did, I don't know, I left in disgust.

These were obviously well off people, who could have easily afforded the few groceries they had. It made me wonder how they got their money? If they are willing to stoop that low to save a few pennies, maybe a nickle, then what else are they capable of? Is it that hard to be truthful, to be honest? Maybe I am being a bit cynical about this, but it seems to me that this duplicitous behavior is becoming a dominating factor in our society. From inappropriate and irrelevant interview questions, to lying about expired coupons in a grocery store, we seem as a society, to have developed the “habit” of falsehood. How far are we willing to fall before things change? Or, are we just following the example that has been put before us, on television, movies, politics, friendships and on the job. It is corrosive and destructive to the very fabric of our communities. Do people even know how to be honest, or truthful anymore?

I know my disappointment is evident in today's Daily Mood Quote, but I found that action so petty and repulsive that it just “stuck” with me. It was as if I needed to peel the slime coat, of accidental contact with an infectious disease, off of my spirit. Euwww! In the movie Striking Distance, Lieutenant Vincent Hardy (played by John Mahoney) said to Tom Hardy (Bruce Willis) “Loyalty above all else...except honor.” I understand that in a marriage you are supposed to be “loyal” to each other, but when your spouse asks you to do something you know to be wrong, or goes against your moral fiber and you comply, then you are as complicit and guilty in the event as the spouse asking you. Granted this was a minor offense, but it is akin to shoplifting and if someone is willing to do this, then what else are they willing to do when more is at stake? By the way, to touch on an earlier blog, these are things that don't show up on a credit report. I wouldn't be questioning those with low credit scores, but rather those with remarkable ones...what lies did they tell to get it?

Abraham Lincoln said, “resolve to be honest at all events; and if, in your own judgement, you can not be an honest lawyer (insert career or event here), resolve to be honest without being a lawyer. Choose some other occupation”

Where will your “truth” be today?

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Daily Mood Quotes - July 26, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 84 – July 26, 2011

Get mad, then get over it.

~Colin Powell

Today, I am angry and before I continue, please allow me to say, I never intended this blog to be one that spouted political views, or frustration about the ridiculous behavior of those in political positions that call themselves “our government.”

Last night, I listened with an open mind to both President Obama and Speaker of the House, John Boehner. They both said one thing on the campaign trail to get elected (actually all of the candidates promised “CHANGE”) but, the games are the same. One notable exception is Dick Lugar, who never promised anything. I guess that is what three decades as a Senator teaches you, “Keep your mouth shut, so you can continue to do nothing and collect a paycheck.” I agree with President Obama's idea of balancing the budget and “balancing the load” for the American people in the long run. Short-term, special interest motivated solutions only lead to bigger long term problems. That's how we got in trouble in the first place. Enough stop gap, do it right the first time, then reap the benefits down the road. The problem is, they're not thinking about the long road. It seems to me the only reason politicians arrive at short term solutions, is so that representatives up for reelection can use the “unfinished business” angle to get reelected. What an angle and what a load of crap!!! Ever notice how the same people keep getting reelected, yet nothing gets done, nothing changes and the business is always unfinished? No wonder we can't have new business growth or move forward, we don't know how to solve old problems and finish what we start. (I could go on and on about that, but maybe that's a subject  for another day).

I am so completely tired of listening to the same old news over and over again, the constant fighting that goes on and the idiotic innuendos that were being bandied about. You do realize your lack of tolerance for differing opinions is setting a bad example to those who are impressionable? A nation of entrenched attitudes... that's an ugly vision. Hey, if you can have bad behavior, are a notable political figure and get away with it, then the next generation will follow your example. Shame on you.

I have some questions for Speaker Boehner; Do you really believe that not raising taxes on wealthy people and wealthy organizations (who can afford it) is going to create jobs? Actually it isn't raising taxes, its simply putting the tax levels back to where they were, when things were working well and the budget was balanced - we have been able to do that once or twice in the last 30 years. Are you kidding me? These tax breaks haven't worked for the American people since they we're given during George “W.” Bush's administration. The United States has been bleeding jobs for the past decade. Check the facts. You need more examples? What about the banks? We bailed them out, gave them big tax breaks and did they create jobs? Duh, no they cut them. Yet they are making hefty, hefty, hefty profits. They haven't changed their ways at all and still no job creation. Hmmmm? Plus as an extra "added bonus"... now, the “average” working American can't get a loan for his business, for a home, or for their children's college. How's that working out for you (thanks Dr. Phil)? Yet, these profits afford executives and politicians luxury vacations, expensive cars and other things, while people are struggling to feed their families and can't find a decent job. Jobs you and your wealthy circle of influence, along with the huge wealthy corporations, promised would be there if Congress "cut them a break". How stupid do you think people are? Sometimes, I think politicians believe that if they babble and baffle us in enough bull crap, them we won't pay any attention to what is really going on. Guess what? The Constitution says, “We the People,” not we the politicians, or we the bankers, or even we the lobbyists, but “We the People.” I am we the people, my neighbors are we the people, and we the people say “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!” I saw a recent poll that said nearly 70 percent of American people believe you are doing it wrong. You see we are paying attention and questioning. In the movie, The American President, Lewis Rothschild (played by Michael J. Fox) said to A.J. Macinerney (Martin Sheen),  "I'm a citizen, this is my President (my Congress). And in this country it is not only permissible to question our leaders it's our responsibility!”

And, like President Andrew Shepherd (Michael Douglas) said to Senator Rumson (Richard Dreyfuss), “We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle-aged, middle-class, middle-income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family and American values and character.” does any of this sound familiar? The point is, none of this partisan political posturing (say that three times fast) is getting anything done. They're not interested in solving the problem, but only interested in serving their own “political agendas” that have nothing do to with the welfare, or the will of the American people. Congress has had over a year to get this budget done, and in times of economic difficulty the budget should have been the highest priority. We the people, are watching and listening, and mostly likely, come the next election, we will remember what you didn't do and why, especially if things get worse. Shut up, do your job, don't default and balance the budget intelligently. More importantly “balance the load,” this time you have gone too far. I'm finished, I feel better now. Thank you.

How will you speak out today”

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Daily Mood Quotes - July 25, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 83 – July 25, 2011

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

~Mark Twain

Everyone has the potential for greatness, even me. But in my experience, few in positions of authority want to acknowledge the potential of someone else. Not because they don't believe in them, but because they don't want anyone else to believe in them. I find that to be very sad. At every job I have ever had, there always seemed to be someone who felt threatened by my skills, my knowledge even my ability to keep things confidential. I was always the one people would talk too, share information with and ask advice from. I could keep my mouth shut and others knew that intuitively. Maybe, it comes from a phrase I heard so often in the military, “loose lips sink ships,” An old but true axiom. I don't know, but I have always believed that gossiping was disrespectful. “They aren't my stories and information to tell” (thank you Reese Witherspoon of Legally Blonde). Anyway, when people would gossip outside my office door, ofttimes they would embellish the stories, to make themselves sound better or just to hear themselves speak and the person they were gossiping about sound more like an idiot. I would close my door, because I usually knew the truth and felt it was improper to participate in such disrespectful behavior. If that is how people get ahead in this world, then count me out.

In the movie, Working Girl, Tess McGill (played by Melanie Griffith) said to Oren Trask, (Philip Bosco) “You can bend the rules plenty once you get to the top, but not while you're trying to get there. And if you're someone like me, you can't get there without bending the rules.” So my question is, which is the lesser of the two evils? Or, is this what they call “nothing personal its just business?” Nice dodge (rationalization) but “personal” bad behavior that hurts others is still wrong, in business or not. It erodes the foundation of our lives like an acid.

So, as we start another work week, I'm still unemployed because I followed the rules. I am everything an employer ever wanted and everything they never wanted. An honest person (what they're looking for) won't cheat the books, bend the regulations, look the other way when bad things are dumped into the trash, tolerate unhealthy work conditions, or fall for the line, “It's just business”, (what they really want). I understand that this type of bipolar business behavior has probably always been this way, especially since government deregulation. But, it has become epidemic. When my husband and I started a business 15 years ago, the one things we promised to do was “To do it by the book.” We wanted to be the employer we always wanted to worked for. To incorporate legally, pay our taxes, honestly without shaving, in short, to do it right. Then, the very first piece of advice from our very first accountant was, “Don't incorporate, because you can get Social Security advantages and pay less taxes if you just remain a sole proprietorship, this is how business is done.” Despite our initial misgivings, we acquiesced. That advice eventually killed our business and us financially. He was a “small thinker” and conned us into thinking small too. Fifteen years later, after being audited twice, our savings pilfered by the next accountant we hired and a surprisingly heavy tax debt, that brilliant small minded advice, turns out to be not-so-brilliant. We should of trusted our own instincts. My husband says, this is the great regret of his life.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is, trust yourself and trust that “feeling” in your belly. If it feels wrong, it is. If your questioning expert advice, take it from my husband (an MBA with 30 years in business), there are no experts. Only people who sell themselves as experts. Trust your gut, think big even when people belittle your ambitions, or want you to “go small.” And...question everything the “experts” tell you. The path to success begins in you heart, not in the hands of others.

What are your ambitions today?

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Daily Mood Quote - July 24, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 82 – July 24, 2011

Because if you have a strong foundation like we have, then you can build or rebuild anything on it. But if you've got a weak foundation you can't build anything.

~Jack Scalia

On July 17, Day 75 of the Daily Mood Quotes blog, Tim Robbins said, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.” Flexibility, the first “F” in a series of principles that we try to live by. We didn't start out by naming these principles and bending our lives around them, this has been a gradual evolution. We have come to these connections and associations over time, decades. Life's work in progress.

The second “F” is “Foundation.” The reason we put it second is because the first “F” is so critically important in today's ever changing, rapidly evolving world. However, flexibility without foundation can be like a leaf blowing in the wind. When the leaf is anchored to the foundation of the tree, it has purpose and potential. It's able to contribute to the overall health of the tree and is in turned nourished and protected by the tree. Its connectivity to the “bigger picture” helps it to fulfill its first best destiny. While on the tree, it can blow, bend, twist and nod in the strong winds and gentle breezes of life (flexibility). But, once it departs the tree (its foundation), the purpose is lost and the leaf, driven by the wind will eventually wither and die. Make no mistake the universe wastes nothing and its energy is absorbed and recycled. But, at the point it leaves its foundation, its net positive contribution ends. It is doomed to entropy.

The foundation I'm speaking of isn't based in any particular religion or belief structure, it is built into our very humanity. We needed to learn to get along, long before formal religions. Individual contributions are good and important, but without a foundation of civil behavior, we wouldn’t even be here. The foundations of family, consideration and working with others, plus the understanding that we are but a step in a longer process are key foundational elements for life. Just like the leaves, we are unique, individual and beautiful in our own manner. But when we connect, we are both nourishing to and nourished by a larger purpose. We can find our first best destiny.

In the movie, The Money Pit with Tom Hanks and Shelly Long, Philip Bosco as head contractor Curly says to Walter (Tom) and Anna (Shelly); "No, this wasn't an easy one, but the foundation was good, I'll say that... And if that's okay, then everything else can be fixed."

The “storms of life” (thanks Randy Travis) can blow us this way and that, and they can even tear at our very fabric from time-to-time. But if we hold fast to our foundation, well like Curly said, “then everything else can be fixed.” My husband says “The sun always shines after a storm.” and if you hold fast to a good foundation you'll be around to see it.

Are you connected to a good foundation today?

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The next “F” will be released Sunday, July 31, 2011

Thank you for reading

Dailu Mood Quote - July 23, 2011

  

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 81 – July 23, 2011

“Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your eduction and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicious and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others.”

~William J.H. Boetcker

This past week has been a week of extreme highs and extreme lows. These are not my favorite, because it feels like you are riding on a roller coaster. I enjoyed them as a child, but as an adult. Too many ups and downs. I know they call it life, but lets be pragmatic sometimes life's churnings can be painful.

We started the week excited, because my husband has been getting calls on his resume. Companies are interviewing him, finally. Me, not so much, my name has become synonymous with “that's the woman who wears two pair of glasses” (really it's a small town). Anyway, he had his interview and believed it went well. He answered all their questions honestly and showed he had the qualifications for the job. Then, “nothing,” no e-mail, no letter, no phone call, “Nothing” but dead air. My concern is, will the credit check he signed off on, that isn't supposed to be done until a job offer has been made, be the deciding factor here? Have they already taken that step? If so, then I guess it's over and that's why we haven't heard anything. I have been unemployed for two years, my husband a year. Our “credit score” has taken a hit, a big hit. Over the past three years we have had medical concerns, as serious as a ruptured appendix and subsequent hospitalization. So, whose credit score wouldn't look rough. Especially when the insurance only covered a small percent of the cost and then payed the hospital, etc. months and months later, After the hospital had already sent the account to collections, without us even knowing. It's hard to stay on top on things when you have to consider who to pay, “Peter or Paul?” I feel it is irresponsible of Human Resources personnel (I'll hold back on calling them professionals...just haven't seen that yet) and companies that allow this kind of discrimination to go on in the hiring process. Here's a thought guys, “Having a bad/rough credit score doesn't mean you are irresponsible, it means you are unemployed and could use the job!! Start looking at the facts and experience first... and be careful who and how you judge, because someday you too will be judged, I guarantee it...

Abraham Lincoln said in 1864 in a letter to Edwin Stanton, the Secretary of War, “On principle I dislike an oath which requires a man to swear he has not done wrong. It rejects the Christian principle of forgiveness on terms of repentance. I think it is enough if a man does no wrong hereafter.” Credit checks for jobs pre-condemn you, even if you have done no wrong to the people you are talking to. It's trial without jury and persecution without defense. Shame on all who practice this ethic-less and immoral behavior.

A very long time ago, when my son was a little boy, he asked me the question, “Why do some people not like other people they don't know?” My response to him was, “Because it is easier for people to pass judgment on others based on where they live, what they wear and other things, than it is to take the time to get to know someone. Some people find it easier to dislike people they don't know because it's easy. I call that lazy.” My son said, “But that's wrong” I said, “Yes it is, but that's the way people behave, you be different and set a better example.” He said, “I will mom, I will.” My son, today is an amazing young man and does set a better example. That makes me proud.

The fact is “nobody is perfect.” We all have things we'd rather forget, mistakes we have learned from and moved beyond. Every time someone carves into our past with a dull blade of a credit check, the wounds are reopened. It's hard to move forward when people and companies keep digging up the past and using it against you. I wonder when our country defaults on its bills (which seems as if it will happen), if that will go on the credit reports of all the Congressmen and Senators? By rights it should, because they are responsible for that bill. “Sorry Mr/Ms. Congressman, We can't hire you because your credit check shows you to be totally irresponsible to the tune of several trillion dollars” How fast would they move if they were being held financially accountable, instead of politically motivated? The point is; You can be completely irresponsible with someone else's money (witness the banking scandals, The Senate, Congress and even CEO's) and be completely free of consequence. But, make one mistake with your money, trust the wrong employer, or have a medical calamity befall your life and you are condemned to financial hell forever by the “credit check”. It seems a bit off bubble, now doesn't it? Like Randle McMurphy (Jack Nicholson) said in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, “Who's the head bull-goose loony around here?

Here's why this makes me think, the perfect credit score doesn't show, how many lies someone told, if they're a good neighbor, a good parent? Did they ever borrow something from someone and never return it, or return it broken. What about kindness? Have they ever stopped to help someone with a flat tire? The credit score also does not show how intelligent a person is or how hard they work. Yes, you may have a good “score”, but exist without morals, or know how to lie effectively. Look at many who have made the news this year, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, just to name a few because the list is long. Rocking credit scores? You Betcha! Morally bankrupt? The facts speak for themselves. Even Michael Vick, a very talented quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, went to jail and was given a second chance, because of his talent and celebrity and now is getting major endorsement from companies worth millions. Why can't your “Average Joe” get a fair shot at a second chance? Or your above average intelligent girl who wears two pair of glasses? I had to throw that in there.

Here is what I believe is the true measure of a person, kindness, honesty, being ethical, moral, being forthright, having your family priorities straight and never giving up. I respect the Philadelphia Eagles Organization and Coach Rex Ryan for having the courage to give someone a second chance and I respect Michael Vick for having the courage to work for that second chance. What a great example to follow.

What consideration and courage will you show today?

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote and learn the second “F”

Thank you for reading

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Day 80 – July 22, 2011

“One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Every person is guilty of this mistake at one time or another.”

~Napoleon Hill

One of the things in my life that has changed me is the understanding that there is no such thing as instant gratification. Like “normal” it is a cultural myth and it really can damage ones view of themselves and the world. So many in our culture are looking for that promotion, that pay raise, instant success without putting in the time. They want a job without a degree, raises without merit, acknowledgment without effort, respect without earning it and when they don't get it, they quit. They want it all and they want it now (thank you Queen). I wonder, has patience become a causality of our digital lifestyle, or did it start sooner with the advent of credit cards? I'm not sure, but it is an epidemic in our culture. You can fire up the computer and do book research in minutes, that once took hours and days, plus many trips to the library. You can publish that book instantly online for the world to see. The problem is; just because you can put it out there fast, doesn't mean it's any good, or that anyone will care. Doing, or getting anything of true value takes time; usually more than the majority care to allot to the effort. So, many are left wanting and wondering why they do not have the things they desire or success they seek.

Unfortunately, this behavior begs the question: Have we forgotten how to have patience and wait for something worth waiting for? Or, do we give up because it didn't happen fast enough for us? I believe it's a cultural side effect of our addiction to digital and media immediacy. The 24/7 news cycles and the “instant” online buzz doesn't permit us time to practice and develop successful skills. TNK IM KDDG U?.. we don't even use vowels anymore!

In the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, the point is made over and over that it is the persistence that delivers the goods and nothing can take it's place. Napoleon Hill's book is old (published in 1937) but the insight timeless. In his book, Mr. Hill tells the story of his uncle R.U. Darby who quit his gold mining operation three feet short of a major vein of gold, which was subsequently found by a scrap dealer who had bought his equipment. Mr. Darby learned a painful lesson, but, he used that defeat to turn it into a habit of "not quitting", which ultimately lead to his success. Even genuine talent like Michael Jordan's, who practiced diligently after being cut from his high school's varsity basketball team, needs work and time to become noteworthy. Michael's words -"I think that not making the Varsity team drove me to really work at my game, and also taught me that if you set goals, and work hard to achieve them—the hard work can pay off."

In the movie, Angels in the Outfield, Danny Glover as California Angels (a pro baseball team in the 1990s-now known as the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim...I'm not kidding) Manager George Knox relates a simple but powerful truth: “You oughtta know how one incident can change the course of events.” But, if you quit that incident will not have the opportunity to happen. Persistence through adversity is the key to real and lasting success.

How will you view a temporary defeat today?

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Day 79 – July 21, 2011

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

~Maya Angelou

She is right, we are all born with tremendous potential. Maybe not to be a superstar at athletics or world class performers, but all of us are born with the great potential to reach out to our fellow man or woman. To care for someone in need. As we discussed yesterday, its not the grand gestures, but the small things; holding a door for someone with their arms full of books, picking up a product knocked to the floor in a grocery store to clear the path, or bowing our heads to say thanks for a meal while we are in public. They seem small but in a judgmental world they can take courage. We all can do that, but seldom do because of trepidation about appearances. In short, we lack courage. Some worry about their intentions being misconstrued. Many worry about political correctness, or other foolish social fabrications along with worrying that they will be taken advantage of. This is not a new trend, this has been around as long as mankind. There are those who help pull a community together, sometimes through simple acts. And there are those who could not care less, or appear to not care less, but are actually afraid of what others might think. My question today is, how can an act of kindness, however small, be anything but an act of kindness, regardless of others perceptions. And, how can you expect others to be kind to you, if you are at first not kind to them? Admittedly, it can take practice, especially if you have never reached out. Sometimes, it doesn't seem to go the way you planned, that's okay, it takes practice. But, with conviction and courage good things do eventually happen. Kindness and generosity are the great boomerangs of the universe. You have to first throw it out there for it to come back to you. As with real boomerangs that can take some practice.

I live in a neighborhood, a community where reaching out is only done through organizations and church drives. Around here doors are shut and blinds are drawn most of the time and when one neighbor is outside, then the others seem to be in. I haven't figured out why that is yet.There just isn't a one-to-one connection with your next door neighbor, except for the occasional wave from someone whose name you don't even know. A couple winters ago, we had a particularly heavy snow fall in our area. My husband and I are accustomed to heavy snow fall (Thank you Minnesota), so we decided to shovel our neighbors driveways while we were out. Besides, we had a snow-thrower to make short work of it and we were having fun outside in the winter air.  I will never forget the look of "shock" we received from our neighbors, as they peered out their windows. One elderly lady even ran out, told us we didn't need to do that and asked if she needed to pay us? Apparently, this has never happened around here before. How sad it was to discover we were part of a community that had never helped each other. What is even sadder is that this “suburban isolation” is normal behavior in our region. I guess the fear of being sued (don't get me started on that) has taken such a hold it stops people from being kind, merciful, generous inside their own communities. We live in a “What's their angle?” and fearful world, even in our own neighborhoods and homes. So understandably it takes courage to look past that mindset and reach out even a little for most people. Initially we helped out of blissful ignorance. Now it's purposeful. Changing a mindset of a community takes courage and is done in small bits and pieces. Grand gestures won't get it done. Consistently throwing kindness out there will in time, bring it back. I am happy to say that we now know many of our neighbors on a first name basis and have been there to share their joys and sorrows. We have helped them and they have helped us. Our community is a little closer now.

In the Disney movie A Bugs Life an oddball ant named Flik (Dave Foley) wants to help his community, not in the traditional way, but by invention and innovation. Initially, his efforts make him a pariah... It's just not done in the colony! But as he explains to Dot (Hayden Panettiere). “Seed to tree. You've gotta work with me, here. Alright? Okay. Now, y-you might not feel like you can do much now, but that's just because, well, you're not a tree yet. You just have to give yourself some time. You're still a seed.” Communities, like great trees, grow from the small seeds of kind acts, cast forth into the wind. Eventually they will take root and yield their own fruit for all to share.

What “courage” will you find and share today?

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote

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Day 78 – July 20, 2011

You're alive. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything. If you change the world, the world will change.

~Neil Gaiman

Sometimes, I feel that people believe the only way to change the world is through some grand gesture, or some highly affluent position, which affords them the money to change the world. So, many don't even try. We live our day-to-day lives, going about our business, never paying attention to, or reaching out to those around us in small and meaningful ways. Perhaps its because our culture is a bit skewed toward grandiose and overt acts, that grab headlines. Or, perhaps its because we have allowed ourselves to be so busy, we don't take time to help. Maybe both or neither, I'm not certain. Yes, the grand gestures of this world can make a impact on a larger scale, but often for only a short time. The ancient Chinese proverb goes: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach him to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” So it is with kindness; food for your and their spirit. It's the smaller acts of kindness that make the real difference. They impact people personally and make those small shifts of perspective, for the giver and the receiver, that truly change the world.

For example, yesterday I went to Walmart to purchase a few small items (they were on sale) and there was a mom with her two young children in a cart, pulling things off the shelves, while the mother desperately tried to shop. Boy, have I been there. I walked over and with a smile, making eye contact with the mom, so she knew I wasn't crazy, dangerous or both and said to her son, “You like to play the game 52 pick-up, don't you?” while picking up the items from the floor. Then through a little game, I once played with my own children, I got both children to sit down in the cart. The mother who no longer showed frustration and embarrassment on her face said, “Thank you” and smiled. My husband and I walked away while saying in unison “Your welcome.” Don't forget he stood there patiently, while I played the “sit down game” for the thousandth time.

On May 10, 2011, Day six of this blog, I talked about building an A-R-K, which comes from the movie Evan Almighty with Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman. This movie is one of my favorites because of the strong message, that is profoundly restated throughout the movie. “How do you change the world? One Act of Random Kindness at a time.” A smile to a person who is having a bad day. Assistance to someone who dropped something, or a friendly ear to someone who needs a friend. You might be surprised at the difference these things can make in someone's life. We are going through tough times and the only news that is being displayed is downright depressing. It's easy to turn inward and try to close out the world. But that's never how things get better. It just reinforces the negative. To change our world, we must begin by embracing it with a heart full of love and an Act of Random Kindness.

How will you "change" someone's world today?

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Day 77 – July 19, 2011

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

~Rita Rudner

Gene Perret said, “Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.” For my husband and I, that celebration continues still through laughter and a lot of it. Sometimes I will laugh so hard that I end up with the hiccups and sore cheeks.

Yesterday morning, I was getting ready for the day by doing the woman stuff in the bathroom. You know, hair, makeup, all that necessary stuff that helps us to look fabulous. Anyway, I was putting my hair up because the weather is ridiculously warm, downright hot, just disgusting out there. There was no way I was going to let my neck cook under my hair. At the same time, my husband began shaving and quite unconsciously I stepped into his path and put my elbows out wider, while putting my hair up. To this my husband looked at me with quizzical eyes and said, “Are you sink blocking me?” And, I was, Har-har-har! I had claimed the sink as my own and was defending against this “man” intrusion. Then we burst into hysterical laughter. Turns out, this was not the first sink block action of our marriage. Just the most obvious. Ok, I've done a hip check or two, the turn left “jut-butt” and several other crafty, yet completely innocent, tactics such as; the hair dryer blast, the impenetrable screen of hairspray and the ever popular “scatter my stuff everywhere domination” maneuver. Who hasn't?

Bill Cosby once said, “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” Normally, my husband would not have even blinked at the sink blocking, but yesterday was over the top. I guess after twenty years of bathroom checkers, enough is enough. He is entitled to use the sink too. He doesn’t have to shave or brush his teeth over the toilet. I magnanimously promised to share and no more sink blocking, jut-butting, or hair dryer hurricanes, anymore. Maybe.

To be fair my husband isn't exactly without his own sink blocking/bathroom control strategies. These include the foggy mirror option and the ever popular “I'd give it a few minutes if I were you” admonition. But, like Cameron Diaz as Princess Fiona said of Shrek (Mike Myers) in Shrek 2 “I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after with the “ogre” I married.” And you know what, I am, sinking blocking aside, happily ever after. From this day forward, “love, honor, cherish and sink sharing.” “I do.”

How will you assess your behaviors today?

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Day 76 – July 18, 2011

“I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verses and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life.  It never crossed my mind that, that person could be me..”

~Anna Quindlen

I like this quote because it reminds me that everyone has the ability to be the wonderful person they need in their life. The great thing is we don't have to wait for someone else to figure it out. We just need to accept the greatness in ourselves and step out of our self-manufactured darkness and into the light. Sometimes, I forget this.

It is so easy to just want to give up on ourselves, especially when someone lets you down. That's the problem, we think that someone, pick anyone, is responsible for our successes or failures, our happiness, our troubles and our self-worth. Our western culture is built that way and in many cases this point-of-view has been past down from generation to generation, to generation. It is always “those people” and never “us.” It doesn't matter how rich, gifted or talented you are, or poor and uneducated, we seem to blame others for, or expect others to change, our lives. If you think I'm kidding, just look at what has happened in the NFL this year, between the players and the owners. They are fabulously wealthy on both sides of the table, gifted beyond all imagination and college educated. Yet, each side points fingers and blames the others for their problems. “Woe is me!! I'm being held down, held back, and held on the line of scrimmage.” All because they want to believe someone else is responsible for their problems. Yet in a moment's notice they will take credit for their success and happily pick the fan's pockets for every last dime.

Don't get me wrong, I love pro football and look forward to the season every year. I just can't stand to watch grown men whine about money, when they are already ridiculously wealthy. Tens of millions of people in this country are unemployed, struggling to pay their bills and to put food on the table. Still, these guys remain completely out of touch with that reality, just like Congress. (Whoops, said that out loud again, didn't I?) Well anyway, with that off my chest, the point is we are the masters of our destiny and the future is unwritten. We are the “someone” that is required to transform our own lives.

In the movie Heart and Souls, with Robert Downey, Jr. (Thomas), Kyra Sedgwick (Julia), Tom Sizemore (Milo), and Charles Grodin (Harrison), Thomas said to Harrison, “No offense, Harrison, But you died a failure because you never tried.” We are at the start of a new week, lets change our lives by stepping out of our self-imposed darkness, “try”, and be the “someone” that makes the difference in your life.

Will you be that transformational someone that changes your life?

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote

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(The second “F” in the series will be released on Sunday, July 24)

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Day 75 – July 17, 2011

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”

~Tim Robbins

There was a time in my life when I planned out everything. What I was going to wear, what I was going to eat, to the activities I did day-to-day. Many of my friends called me rigid, and they were right, I was. Every night before I went to sleep, I would make a list, a to-do-list of all the things to be completed the next day. I followed that list to the letter, never changing it, never adding or subtracting from the list. I also found I got upset when I couldn't complete the list. How sad is that?

Life has a way a making us change, not necessarily who we are, (it"s good to have a foundation), just the way we do things. That could be the hardest change to make. There is a phrase, “set in your ways” and many of us are. We tend to fall back on what we are comfortable with, what we know, and what we  think we know works. There is nothing wrong with that, except when we fail to make progress and grow in our lives. The popular definition of insanity includes: "doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results"(Rita May Brown, 1983).

In the movie Evan Almighty, Congressman Evan Baxter (played by Steve Carell) has an encounter with God (Morgan Freeman), who asks Evan, “How about it, feel like living on the edge?” Shortly after, Evan makes God laugh when he tells him, “This whole building an ARK thing, isn't really part of my plans here, I got to settle into my house, I've got to make a good impression at work...” God says while laughing, “Your plans, thats...” and begins laughing harder at Evan. The fact is, life doesn't really care what our “plans” are. Things change and we have to change with it, like it or not. We as a family, no longer stick strictly to Plan A, although we try, but often we follow Plan B, Plan C and even Plan D.... Section II, paragraph three, line five... which simply reads; "Forget your plans and go with the flow.” I have learned to be flexible, because everyday is a new day and since I wasn't born with a crystal ball, visions of tomorrow, like Nostradamus, or even 10 minutes from now, I've learned to be more flexible than Gumby, the green, animated character from the 1950's and popularly portrayed on Saturday Night Live by Eddie Murphy. Is it sometimes frustrating? You Bettcha! But, it does keep things interesting! By the way, I still plan what I am going to eat and wear, the rest...well, there is always Plan B.

How will you be “flexible” in your schedule today?

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Day 74 – July 16, 2011

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

~Albert Camus

Or at least what they perceive normal to be. Everybody has their own definition of what normal “is” or “should be.” That should be our first clue. The bottom line is “normal” is a fantasy. It is a manufactured convention that we delude ourselves into thinking that it's “what we should be”... But, no two lives are the same, no two families the same, no two paths to the future the same. Normal for each of us isn't what “we should be” it's what we are. Right now, as we read this page. The trick is how do you leverage your “normal” for you, not against you. That's where you need to think “F” it! Let me explain...

A few years ago, I took a “marriage and family class for my undergrad. During class discussions we evolved a perspective that revolved around a few key principles for living a successful life. These are the “Fs” of life which distilled a lot of information into some tangible, bite sized nuggets. At the time it was a lot to chew on, but now, it makes sense.

You see nearly three years ago, my husband ended up in the hospital because of high blood pressure, really high blood pressure that kept him in the hospital for a week. During this week, trying to maintain his “normal”, he continued to work on a major campaign for a client from his hospital bed, and in between tests (yes, I was upset with him). After all the tests were completed they could not find anything wrong, or even why his blood pressure was so high. Aside from the blood pressure he was completely fine and fit. We could only assume that the high blood pressure was simply because it runs in his family. He is not overweight, doesn't have a poor diet and he does get some exercise. Not as much as I would like for him, but I will take what I can get. We left the hospital and believed we were back on our “normal path” of life. One of my husband's favorite phrases is “Better living through chemistry.” We were off to the mall, or a lake for fishing, even an occasional hiking trip. Unfortunately, what we wanted wasn't necessarily what we got. Six months later, on his checkup, my husband discussed with his doctor, a burning in his feet. This simple phrase lead to more tests, more doctors appointments, neurologists, rheumatologists, cardiologists, and two biopsies.

Ten's of thousands of dollars later, we find out that my husband is one very healthy individual. However, he was diagnosed with a life-long condition called small fiber neuropathy. In a nut shell, the nerves in his feet, legs, hands and occasionally his face are telling his brain, that he is on fire. Only no fire exists. It is extremely painful when a flair up occurs. He has good days and not so good days. The hot summer sun and heat, which many look forward to for summer fun, generates a lot of pain for him. The burning sensation goes from uncomfortable to extreme. It is safe to say, his hanging out at the beach days are over.

So what do you do, when you can't do, what you used to do? First, you get pissed, because it is frustrating. We quickly realized there is no law against getting angry or upset and so we did. We got it out, got it over with and said, “Yes, F-n' way, is our new approach to living life.” This F is flexibility. Our normal has changed, and we are tasked with finding the new normal that includes new habits and new opportunities. It's funny how much you can get done in the quite of the night. There is a saying by Tim Hansel, “Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy.”

In the movie Regarding Henry, Henry (played by Harrison Ford) a successful lawyer, suffers a gun shot wound to the head and survives. Bradley (Bill Nunn) says to Henry, “You're gonna be just fine, OK?” Unfortunately, what was once normal for him had changed and he had to find the new normal in his life, despite the expectation that he would be exactly who he was before the shooting. He wasn't. I have said to my husband, “We are going to be just fine, BUT, we'll find a new normal.”

What does your “normal” look like today?

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote and find out about the first “F”

Thank you for reading

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Day 73 – July 15, 2011

Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.

~Mohandas Gandhi

In his first inaugural address in 1933, Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...” In modern life that is very true. Too often in our 21st century lives, we can see where decisions made by fear, the unhealthy kind, have sometimes lead us into dark and untenable spots. If we would have taken the time to make more rational decisions, then more likely than not, those errors could have been avoided.

Fear had its place and it has helped the human race survive for millions of years in an environment where we weren't the top of the food chain. That's healthy fear: common sense in overdrive. But, now that we are and we dominate our planet, that same fear that causes the fight or flight response, knee jerk reactions and cold sweat anxiety, can do more harm than good. Fear comes in many forms. One of those forms of fear is fear of disapproval and punishment from figures of authority. Parents lead the list. I am all too familiar with this fear. I grew up in a fear driven environment that involved guessing which “mood” mom was in today. That usually lead to the question, “Do I stay, or do I go and should I go quickly?” Many years ago, a friend told me of the difficult time she was having raising her teenage daughter. There was a lot of yelling, power struggles and zero compromise. Kind of like Congress and the White House right now. Their not making good decisions either, but that's another blog's issue, not mine.

The point is, instead of the parent teaching, she attempted to control by fear and consequently obtained neither respect, nor control. The entire situation had a negative result that lead to unenforceable punishments, zero long term good and deep resentments that are still being felt today and will continue for many years to come. Hmmm, that still sounds like Congress (Did I say that out loud?).

We live by a more direct axiom. “When you raise your voice, you stop raising your child.” Believe it or not, kids, especially teenagers, don't react kindly to yelling or arbitrary punishments “Just because I said so!” When we lose it, "we the parents," are just begging for more difficult times. When we lose our self-control... that's exactly what we teach our children. It is right and appropriate to be concerned about your child's welfare. But, we need to examine our own "motivations" when dealing with our children. Sounds like something for the folks in Congress to consider, but I digress... Are we working from fear, or rational thinking?

In 1838, Abraham Lincoln said, “Passion has helped us, but can do so no more. It will in future be our enemy. Reason, cold, calculating, unimpassioned reason, must furnish all the materials for our future support and defense.” I'm not so sure about the cold part, especially when dealing with children, but reason, tempered by love, should guide us when we are attempting to guide our children.

In the movie Freaky Friday, Tess (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Anna (Lindsay Lohan) read a fortune cookie that said, “A journey soon begins...Its prize reflected in the other's eyes. When what you see is what you lack...then selfless love will change you back.” It's amazing what you can learn when you walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Maybe, Congress should walk a mile in the shoes of those who are unemployed, the poor, the homeless and maybe their “view from the cheap seats” might be very different (Thank you Michael Douglas from American President). When fear motivates a leader or someone in a leadership position, such as a parent or someone in a position of political power, bad things are bound to happen. When we choose to lead from love and compassion good things are bound to happen.

Which will you choose “love” or “punishment” today?

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