Daily Mood Quotes - October 1, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 151 – October 1, 2011

A lot of people say they want to get out of pain, and I'm sure that's true, but they aren't willing to make healing a high priority. They aren't willing to look inside to see the source of their pain in order to deal with it.

~Lindsay Wagner

Saw the doctor the other day under great protest and to my chagrin it was confirmed that I have a sinus infection. I have since discovered that if you let these go on for very long, it can lead to much bigger problems... I didn't know that. This situation all stemmed from a small cold I had two weeks ago. I got rid of the cold, or so I thought and never even considered that things could “evolve.” I now know why my face has been hurting me so much (let's look past the old “my face hurts” joke here please). I also talked with the doctor about those “irrational fears” I mentioned in the blog – day 149. What I found out was very interesting. My irrational fear of going to the doctor is due to (believe it or not) post traumatic stress syndrome, yes PTSS. I assumed that PTSS was only something members of the military dealt with after combat. My doctor reminded me, I had gone through a very traumatic event in my life and that can cause PTSS. I never made the connection. Here's what happened.

Several years ago, the second Friday in February I wasn't feeling well, so after work I went to one of those “doc in the boxes” to get checked out. It was late and my regular doctor's office was closed for the day. They told me, I had the flu, not much to do but ride it out and sent me on my merry way. Okay, it was more like queasy way, but it did feel pretty flu like. The following Friday, exactly one week later, I still wasn't feeling well and went back to the “doc in the box” and they told me, I had a kidney infection, gave me an antibiotic prescription and sent me on my merry way; again. I began to feel better for a few days, but by the next Friday, I was feeling worse and Saturday morning, my husband took me to the “doc in the box” again (you would think I would of gone to my regular doctor by now, but I'm nothing if not stubborn). I think it was because of the cost of the visit, a mistake I will not ever make again. This time after seeing me for three weeks in a row, they took x-rays, both vertical and horizontal, this time they said I was constipated. They gave me some suppositories and some clear oily stuff to drink and sent us on are merry way, “again.” I couldn't even stand up straight and looked liked the “Hunchback of Notre Dame” (Thank you Disney) when I walked. Well, that didn't work at all. Like Captain Carmine Lorenzo (played by Dennis Franz) said to John McClane (Bruce Willis) in Die Hard II, “Well I'm stunned, I've gotta lie down.” Really, I did! Twelve hours later, I was in the emergency room (ER) being prepped for surgery, my appendix had ruptured and the doctor was preparing my husband and I for the worst, yes “that” worst. It was pretty bad.

The next afternoon, a few hours after the surgery (it was apparently a long, long procedure), the doctor came in to talk with me. His opening statement was, “Someone up there likes you.” I wasn't even sure what happened, until he starting explaining what they had to do and how serious the situation really was. I wish he wouldn't have done that, because I may have gotten past it by now. His description of what had happened and what was required to save my life was soooo very graphic; I really wasn't quite ready to hear what I heard. Great surgeon no doubt, but he could work on the bedside manner I think. Unfortunately, there it is right in front of me and now I had to deal with it. I tried to put it to the side during my month long recovery period. Then again I tried to avoid the impact when I went back to work. I tried to bury it, by keeping myself so busy in life with family, friends, school studies (I was in my final year of college) and marriage. Whatever I could do to “not deal with it”, I was doing it. That was to no avail, traumatic events have a way a creeping back into your life when you least expect it. And they do so at the most inconvenient times. The irrational fear to see the doctor comes from the three major mistakes. Three different doctors who were on duty, in the “doc in the box” all missed something as simple as appendicitis, It doesn't inspire confidence at all. They even took x-rays...how do you miss an appendix the size of a soft ball? Now, I have a lifetime reminder every time I see the six inch scar and I will hear that graphic description.

You know what I just realized? this blog is getting a little long, I will finish this story, part two with the doctor's recommendation tomorrow (I need to read up a little more on post traumatic stress syndrome).

How will you "deal with" the events of life today?

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote

Thank you for reading.