Daily Mood Quotes - January 1, 2012

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 227 – January 1, 2012

Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it.

~Harry Emerson Fosdick

It is better to live in peace than in bitterness and strife.

~Confucius

So many things to cover today. First, it's a new year, 2012. My family and I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year, may this year bring you peace, joy, good health, success and happiness.

Secondly, I would like to say thank you to everyone for the condolences and prayers for my father. My father passed away peacefully shortly before Christmas day. I will forever be grateful for the short amount of time I got to spend with him before he was called home. I am also relieved that my father did not suffer for a long period of time; that was grace from above.

I choose these quotes today, because after spending a week back home, I saw so much angst, anger and bitterness and heard too many stories about family disputes, which in my opinion, shouldn't matter. Nor should these disputes be given the weight many family members have ascribed to them. We only have one life to live and my husband says, “You have a choice; to be bitter, or to be better.” holding on to anger only creates a bitterness, which can become the controlling factor of one's life. And the biggest mistake people make is passing that anger and bitterness onto the next generation. They carry it forward, without any good reason, but a disposition of “my parents were angry about this and so I too should be angry.” Anger carried forward, is the great failing of mankind. Louis L'Amour said, “Anger is a killing thing, it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than had been before - it takes something from him.” And so we “take” from the next generation with every “anger” that we pass along. This leave us all a little worse off. Mohandas Gandhi is remembered for saying “ An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” I agree.

Let me explain with two stories. I have a sister with whom I was once close to as child. I saw her at Christmas and again at our father's funeral. She too was adopted by him, her biological father had passed away years earlier. Anyway, many years ago my mother told her a lie. She said, I made negative comments about the man she was marrying. Instead of coming to me and asking me if I made those comments, she chose to believe the lie and she stopped talking to me and disinvited me to her wedding. Years went by before I found out the reason why my sister didn't want me at her wedding and why she had stopped talking to me. In earlier blogs I shared the difficulties I had with my mother; this was just one of her ways of controlling the family, by division. She lied and because of her lies, again...my sister has had this anger, which has grown into a bitterness for more than 25 years. This to me is sad, that a parent would create such sibling discord, for no reason. The saddest part to this story is, now that our parents are gone, I have no real reason to go home again, or to even be a part of anyones life. All because of the lies that were told by mom, carried forward by family members and now told to the next generation. Sometimes, I wish we could be a more mature family and ask the questions to find out the truth; rather than to build on speculation, which can cause years of anger and bitterness and eventually turns into unfounded hatred.

The next story comes from my husband's side of the family. We have been estranged from his family for ten years and this trip back home was bittersweet. It was the first time my husband saw his father in ten years. My husband's mother had passed away in October. Unfortunately, his family is still as crazy as ever, except it would seem that they have turned it up a notch. My husband's bother-in-law coined the phrase for them “The Dysfunction” as in “why would you go back and engage “The Dysfunction?” He is 100% correct. They seem psychologically unable to grasp the concept that we are grown-ups and have our own lives and responsibilities. And that unbidden meddling in their siblings' lives is a bad thing. They leapt to the conclusion that we were moving, or had moved back and were in desperate need of their help and guidance, neither of which is even remotely true (you've had heard of the old saying, “with friends (family) like that, who needs enemies”). My husband was happy to see his father and he and his dad had the opportunity to resolve and close the book on many things. That was good. But, we were delighted to put as many miles between us and them as humanly possible, as soon as possible. We wonder if it is far enough? Probably not. Anyway, that's last year, and I'm sure this year we may have to endure more interference and wild assumptions from his family. As my husband says, “God bless them, I feel sorry for them; but I can't have anything to do with them.”

On are trip back to where we call home, my husband and I observed many similarities with few distinctions between the families. The parts seem almost interchangeable at this point, there is almost a sibling for sibling parallel in behavior, with the exception that I have one more sibling. We have the crazies (literally), the controlling, the manipulators and the bare-faced liars; most of which seem angry all the time. That said, it was an interesting Christmas and funeral. So, in respect to our families my husband and I agree with Charles (played by Hugh Grant) in the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral, “Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not.”

By contrast and too our great relief, our cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. (from my husband's side of the family) “from the other side of the street” or “town” provided a welcome breeze of sanity and some very good food. We are thankful for that. They have put aside the petty rivalries, disagreements and other family nonsense to move forward with their lives. They have chosen well. The choice is as my husband said to be bitter, or to be better. To quote my cousin-in-law, "your life would make a great Lifetime movie, you should write it." Maybe, we'll see. 

Let us all hope for and resolve toward “better” in the new year.

What will you choose this year, "bitter" or "better?"

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote

Thank you for reading

Daily Mood Quotes - November 4, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 184 – November 4, 2011

Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.

~Mohandas Gandhi

But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?

~Albert Camus

In keeping with our theme of integrity, I must let you know I have run full speed into a state of mental "stuckness" (thank you Robert M. Pirsig – Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance) on the subject of honesty and integrity. I want to make certain that the words not only ring true, but are true as I can make them. That involves a bit more introspection than I originally thought. Well Duh! Truth be told, I bit into a subject that has me asking myself some very tough questions. I have lots of ideas spinning up there today, but darn few words are coming together. It's a bit like trying to bake cookies in a blender. That said, I do hope to have something of substance to offer tomorrow.

No movie quote today.

How will you attain harmony with yourself today.

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Daily Mood Quote - October 13, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 163 – October 13, 2011

An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes.

~Cato

An angry woman can do the same. I know a woman who is so disappointed with her life, the only way she can communicate with people is through yelling and never allowing them to speak. Even on a phone call to someone else, she is in the background yelling and being a distraction to the two people talking on the phone. How does someone get so angry? Stay so angry?

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.

~Mohandas Gandhi

It has always amazed me how a perpetually angry person jumps to conclusions and begins yelling and screaming before all of the information that is needed to make a good decision, or have a civil conversation is completely expressed. I seems to me, these folks don't want to hear anyone else's position or opinion on a subject, because they just might hear and have to face the truth. Or, at least something that may cause them to look at the situation with another eye.

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.

~Albert Einstein

I believe it is alright to get angry. It can be a natural reaction in some situations. However, to stay angry and let it fester and grow then acting out on that anger, or holding a grudge is a different thing. I have learned through conversations with many people of experience and wisdom, that holding on to anger is unhealthy. We are not designed to hate, or to carry anger for a lifetime. Image how dark the days must be, when our lives are filled with anger and every conversation, every action and every interaction is filled with anger...soooo sad. There is another quote by Alfred A. Montapert, “Every time you get angry, you poison your own system.” I've seen it, it is poisonous. To hold onto anger is to drink its venom daily. The system slowly rots away, from the inside out. Why do people do that to themselves?

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.

~Aristotle

But, it is worth it. The anger response is a natural thing and built into all of us by millions of years of fight or flight requirements, but control of that anger and the ability to put it away and move on, is what makes us truly human; truly special among the species of the earth. However, it is the choices we make when confronted by anger, that can build us up or tear our lives asunder. In the movie The Fisher King, with Jeff Bridges and Adam Bryant, Parry (played by Robin Williams) said, “It begins with the king as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become king. Now while he is spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the holy grail, symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the grail so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the grail, and the grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the king, "What ails you friend?" The king replied, "I'm thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat". So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the king. As the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the holy grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."

When I read this, it made me think, if people think about how they behave towards others?

How will you find the “correct understanding” today?

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Thank you for reading

Daily Mood Quotes - September 28, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 148 – September 28, 2011

All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take.

~Mohandas Gandhi

When you are looking for work and its been a while, it is very easy to accept something beneath your skills and education; an underpaying job, or a position at an under performing company “just to have a job.” Financial pressures can needle at you and make you believe you are forced into making compromises, and so begins the slow decent. Slowly, job by job, self-esteem, self-respect, and your reputation begins to erode. It is an exception, not the rule that an excellent employee can change the path of a company's fortunes if his/her bosses are “status quo” people. Like Longfellow Deeds (played by Adam Sandler) said in the movie Mr. Deeds, “Its hard to soar with the eagles when your surrounded by turkeys.” The point is, compromise can be a dangerous game, especially when you begin to accept less, then you begin to compromise the fundamentals of your dignity. Negotiation, is one thing, surrender is quite another.

The decent has many steps: step one is settling for less in the hope that something better will “come along” sooner or later. That kind of thinking is like a cold and desolate, desert road... nothing ever “comes along.” At least not before the traveler withers, compromises and takes the second step. That is when on the job, you begin to settle for “acceptable results” then blame it on budget, deadlines, other people in the organization. Whatever! The facts will be they settled, and so that step is tread. Slowly, over time, step three shows up; “compromise” on the quality of your efforts. “Just do the job and take the money.” Self-loathing shows up grinning on this step and it begins to whisper into your ear, a litany of negativity and so the fall continues... Well, you get the point.

When we give up and give in for short-term gains and/or compromise our skills and dreams, then long term goals and our dignity begin to suffer. Dreams fade and the reality of now is all that is left. It can take us into some very, very sad places. Another great quote, also by Longfellow Deeds (Adam Sandler), that goes right to the heart of the matter is, “We all had these dreams, and then we got jobs to achieve those dreams. But we wanted more money, and we got rid of our dreams. You know, if your nine-year old selves saw you guys the way you are, you'd get your butts kicked right now! I mean, look what's happened to us!” When we compromise dreams, dignity, or moral compass, to make money we are letting down more than just ourselves. We let down the dreamers we once were. Do they really deserve that? Our spirits will not accept cash in lieu of honor. I guess what I'm trying to say is; Dream big, never stop reaching and don't ever settle for less than you can be. Hold fast to your dignity and believe in your gifts. “Never give up, Never surrender!” (thanks Tim Allen as Commander Peter Quincy Taggart from Galaxy Quest).

How will you reach for your “dreams” today?

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Daily Mood Quote - July 31, 2011

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 89 – July 31, 2011

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential.

~Winston Churchill

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

~Mohandas Gandhi

When I sat down today, the last thing I wanted to do was write a blog, which is why this is late. It's hot outside and my knee hurts (old bike accident from many years ago). I was going to write about the third “F” of our family trying to find the new normal (my husband hates the "new normal" phrase), but I really don't want too. Remember, this is a mood quote blog. The country is going to heck in a hand basket (possible default on bills for our country, economic problems, high unemployment, and a gallon of milk has gone up 50 percent in the last week, not to mention gas prices). I am finding it difficult to be Little Mary Sunshine today (no, my name is not Mary). It would be so easy to quit after having two of the most disappointing weeks a family can have. I just wanted to scream and yell at everybody who is doing it wrong and tell them “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.” but that doesn't seem to help. Mostly, they just don't care. ARRRRGH!!!

One of the first things I do in the morning is check my e-mail, to see if there is anything I need to deal with immediately. This morning, I got an e-mail from my younger sister, who I believe reads this blog. She sent me an e-mail of encouragement this morning... it couldn't have been more perfectly timed, just when I was ready to quit. Here's what happened. Last week, she sent me an e-mail that was a test for “how old are your eyes.” The first test was find the B in several rows of R's, then find the 6 in several rows of 9s and so on. I found them all in this test, which is funny for a person with a vision disability. It took a few extra minutes and I enlarged the font size (maybe that's cheating, I don't know) but, hey there are “Vision issues here.” Anyway, I sent her back an e-mail reminding her, that she sent this e-mail to a visually impaired person. She sent me an e-mail that said, “I realize I sent this to someone who has a college degree and has an international blog...so where is the disability?...” She reminded me, I don't let anything get me down. Not for long anyway.

She was right and maybe this blog is about family after all. It seems no matter how much the world kicks your butt, family is there to pick you up. Even if you don't live in the same city, or state anymore. Sometimes “family” can be those few true friends we find in life. It's that little word of encouragement, at the right time, that helps people with their continuous efforts. Thanks Sis.

In the movie Rocky, Rocky (played by Sylvester Stallone) says to Adrian (Talia Shire), “I was nobody. But that don't matter either, you know? 'Cause I was thinkin', it really don't matter if I lose this fight. It really don't matter if this guy opens my head, either. 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.” Well, I'm not a boxer, but I can and will “go the distance” (thanks ghost voice from Field of Dreams). I won't stop three feet short of the gold (Napoleon Hill - Think and Grow Rich). Let's see where it goes.

How will you apply continuous effort and indomitable will today?

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Thank you for reading.

Daily Mood Quote

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 73 – July 15, 2011

Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.

~Mohandas Gandhi

In his first inaugural address in 1933, Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...” In modern life that is very true. Too often in our 21st century lives, we can see where decisions made by fear, the unhealthy kind, have sometimes lead us into dark and untenable spots. If we would have taken the time to make more rational decisions, then more likely than not, those errors could have been avoided.

Fear had its place and it has helped the human race survive for millions of years in an environment where we weren't the top of the food chain. That's healthy fear: common sense in overdrive. But, now that we are and we dominate our planet, that same fear that causes the fight or flight response, knee jerk reactions and cold sweat anxiety, can do more harm than good. Fear comes in many forms. One of those forms of fear is fear of disapproval and punishment from figures of authority. Parents lead the list. I am all too familiar with this fear. I grew up in a fear driven environment that involved guessing which “mood” mom was in today. That usually lead to the question, “Do I stay, or do I go and should I go quickly?” Many years ago, a friend told me of the difficult time she was having raising her teenage daughter. There was a lot of yelling, power struggles and zero compromise. Kind of like Congress and the White House right now. Their not making good decisions either, but that's another blog's issue, not mine.

The point is, instead of the parent teaching, she attempted to control by fear and consequently obtained neither respect, nor control. The entire situation had a negative result that lead to unenforceable punishments, zero long term good and deep resentments that are still being felt today and will continue for many years to come. Hmmm, that still sounds like Congress (Did I say that out loud?).

We live by a more direct axiom. “When you raise your voice, you stop raising your child.” Believe it or not, kids, especially teenagers, don't react kindly to yelling or arbitrary punishments “Just because I said so!” When we lose it, "we the parents," are just begging for more difficult times. When we lose our self-control... that's exactly what we teach our children. It is right and appropriate to be concerned about your child's welfare. But, we need to examine our own "motivations" when dealing with our children. Sounds like something for the folks in Congress to consider, but I digress... Are we working from fear, or rational thinking?

In 1838, Abraham Lincoln said, “Passion has helped us, but can do so no more. It will in future be our enemy. Reason, cold, calculating, unimpassioned reason, must furnish all the materials for our future support and defense.” I'm not so sure about the cold part, especially when dealing with children, but reason, tempered by love, should guide us when we are attempting to guide our children.

In the movie Freaky Friday, Tess (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Anna (Lindsay Lohan) read a fortune cookie that said, “A journey soon begins...Its prize reflected in the other's eyes. When what you see is what you lack...then selfless love will change you back.” It's amazing what you can learn when you walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Maybe, Congress should walk a mile in the shoes of those who are unemployed, the poor, the homeless and maybe their “view from the cheap seats” might be very different (Thank you Michael Douglas from American President). When fear motivates a leader or someone in a leadership position, such as a parent or someone in a position of political power, bad things are bound to happen. When we choose to lead from love and compassion good things are bound to happen.

Which will you choose “love” or “punishment” today?

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote

Thank you for reading