Daily Mood Quote
Day 119 – August 30, 2011
The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office.
~Dwight D. Eisenhower
I love this quote because it talks about leadership and integrity in every phase of society. Except one; the family. In seems to me that the first most important influence we have begins at home, in the family; with the parents. When I was a little girl, I never knew what was going on, my mom would say one thing and do another. I often heard the phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do!” Do you know how confusing that statement is, especially when you are young and impressionable? I figured out what the definition of hypocrite was at an early age. Not that I wanted to, but life circumstances gave me little choice. I remember a particular event that rocked my world when I was in the sixth grade. I was eleven years old and my mom and I went to a store downtown called the “five and dime” (this was in the 70”s, very different times). Anyway, I was looking at the make-up and jewelry and all the sudden, my mom said, “it was time to leave” and as we approached the door, we were approached by store security, who insisted that we “go with them.” Mom wasn't so inclined and the look on her face was one of anger and she looked at me as if I did something wrong. That was confusing enough, and after a loud display in public this “situation” was moved to a more private room, where the store manager and the police became involved. I was scared and embarrassed, as any eleven year old would be.
Turns out my mom (I'm not proud of this, but a valuable lesson was learned) “lifted” a few items from the store, while I was looking at other things in the cases. Image how surprised a child is to find out your mother would do such a thing, after all her posturing about lying and stealing. After that, I found it very hard to trust or respect her. I did receive an apology many, many years later, but the impact and lessons where already burned into my memory. People make mistakes; this was a big one and our relationship was dramatically affected because of it. I have always believed that our relationship would of fared far better if she would have been honest with me and admitted she made a mistake, but instead she buried it and told me to keep it quiet “or else.” (the “or else” terrified me, mom was a big woman to an eleven year old). It's been over thirty years and this is only the second time I have told this story. The first time was to my husband.
The trust was lost and the respect along with it. How can we expect our children to be persons we are proud of, if we do not lead by example and show them how to be that person? Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. I know that's an old saying, but it is a true one.
A more recent story: We raised our children to have integrity by being truthful and honest and we openly discuss difficult decisions with them, so they gain context and see how decisions are made and how they effect everyone involved. My husband had an interview that went well. They wanted him to do a “test” project that they would pay for. This test work was a part of the interview process to see if he could do all he, his resume and his portfolio said he could do. It wasn't much, but any “extra” comes in pretty handy right now (I suspect we're not alone in that context). The project came in on Thursday and the deadline was Monday. We discussed this at the dinner table Friday night, because the job would require moving (again), and the general consensus was “We're not moving.” So, our daughter asked the question, “Since moving is out of the question, then why do the test work?” The answer, “It's fairly easy money and we could really use the extra.” Our daughter, remembering everything we ever taught her, put us in our place and called us out by saying, “But, if you know your not going to take the job, and your not going to move, why take the money? Isn't it like guilt money, or something?” Wow, that stopped us dead in our tracks. She was right and we told her she was right. For that brief moment in time, our child was wiser than we were. (I can't tell you how proud we are of her, though we did tell her... just beaming!). Needless to say, my husband turned down the test work first thing Monday and declined further interviews for the position. The company also agreed. According to them, my husband was overqualified, over educated and more “talent” than they were looking for. That's okay, because we left the table with our integrity intact and we now have the knowledge, that our children listened while growing up. That's a comforting feeling.
In the movie Family Man, Arnie (played by Jeremy Piven) said to Jack (Nicolas Cage), “A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account – FOREVER.” When you “flirt” with the concept of letting your integrity slide, even for “good” reasons, you really flirt with disaster. There is another phase, “which is the lesser of two evils” in this case, neither is the lesser of the two evils, because you have to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and ask yourself the question, do you like what you see? My husband is glad he turned down the work, because it would have been money earned based on an avoided inconvenient truth (a blog for another day). Not worth it. Not worth losing all we have built in relationships and family trust.
How will you face the challenge to your integrity today?
Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote
Thank you for reading
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