Daily Mood Quotes - January 7, 2012

 

Daily Mood Quotes

Day 233 – January 7, 2012

In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.

~Albert Einstein

Holy crap!! Yesterday is a day I choose not to relive...ever. But, I have to revisit it, at least in part, to understand it. First, my husband and I got an e-mail from an educator informing us about an event that will be occurring at school next week. The event involves a statewide exam and the school's computer systems. The administrators want to test the school's computer servers, so they intend to have all the kids take an online test at the same time (not the actual test) to see if the computer system will crash. Understandable, they are being proactive instead of reactive. That's new and different. We were sent the e-mail because our child requires assistance when taking tests due to a reading difficulty and during the test of the servers, she will not be receiving any help. They told us so we wouldn't be alarmed. Okay fine, I appreciate the heads up. Here's the problem; they are going to lie to the kids, so that they will try their best on the “fake” state wide exam. I wanted to say WHAT THE @#$%!, but instead I will simply ask, “are you kidding me?” The school kids have been taking these tests since the third grade and know what time of year they take this particular test. First, they are several months early for this exam, the kids know this. Children are not stupid, contrary to adults/educators apparent beliefs. Also, if it's a statewide event I promise you, it will get out online and the facts will spread like wildfire. Questions will be raised, if not by the kids then by their parents and trust me when I tell you this, if you lie to the kids and they find out… and they will find out because the truth always comes out, trust will disappear like smoke in a hurricane. Not just the kids trust, but their parents as well. Its a really, really, bad idea...who thinks this crap up? I almost couldn't believe the depths of deception to which they plan to stoop to, just to test a system. To invite more problems in, is in my eyes foolish and patently ill conceived. The treatment is worse than the disease here. But that's the way things seem to be here. Do it the hardest and least efficient way possible and then have to patch it up later.

Why not just tell the children the truth? Why not use this situation as an opportunity for a technology teaching tool? Our state is pushing for a tech savvy work force anyway. It's almost a no brainer, but then.... Since technology is here to stay, teach some to them, by telling them the truth about what is being done. Maybe, it will spark some interest. They can also tell them about the wonderful opportunity this is to review the test format and/or discover what they know and the types of information they don't know, before the actual test. Seriously, what is so freakin' hard about telling the truth? Can't we set a better example for the younger generation? I get so frustrated when I know adults, who should know better, go out of there way and plan to lie to kids. They are people not cattle. No wonder trust and honesty are a rare find in the world. They're teaching distrust and dishonesty right in the school system! Why not just have a class, Lying 101, or for the more advance students Prevarication: Practical uses and applications?

After a lengthy discussion about this issue, my husband and I sent an e-mail to the school administrators informing them that we will not lie to our child about this test. We also told them this was a very bad idea. We also suggested the solution outlined above to the administration. To paraphrase a current GEICO commercial “I don't get it, such a simple word; truth.” It seems the more basic the concept, the harder it is for people to get it, to understand it. It seems as if the more complex and convoluted the concept, the more people will make an effort to understand it. But, if it is plain and obvious like truth and honesty, people ignore it or fail to grasp its value; even if it is in their best interest to pay attention. I suppose that some people only place value on that which takes up the most time and energy, while the really basic stuff that we should be appreciating is passed by. We can always circle back to truth if we need too, right? To quote Gilbert Huph (played by Wallace Shawn) to Bob (Mr. Incredible played by Craig T. Nelson) from the Disney animated movie The Incredibles, “I'm not happy Bob, not happy at all.” Is it the need to get away with something? I really have deep questions and concerns about the intent and quality of the American K-12 education system, if this is any indication of how administrators in these institutions think. It's a small wonder we are being passed by in education by other countries.

In the movie The Breakfast Club, Brain Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall), Andrew Clark (Emilio Estevez), Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy), Claire Standish (Molly Ringwald), John Bender (Judd Nelson), said in their report to the Vice Principal Richard Vernon (Paul Gleason) as a group,

Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...

Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...

Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...

Claire Standish: ...a princess...

John Bender: ...and a criminal...

Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

In my opinion, I think educators and administrators are failing to see the kids as individuals with brains, dignity, self-respect and worthy of honesty and trust. How you treat them is how they are going to act. Have we forgotten who the role model is here? I hope they stop looking at kids as an element of “the job,” children are the job and the reason they have a job.

The rest of the day spiraled downward from there, not a good one but stories for another day; today will be better.

What example will you set today?

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Thank you for reading

Daily Mood Quote - January 6, 2012

Daily Mood Quote

Day 232 – January 6, 2012

All men commend patience, although few are willing to practice it.

~Thomas Kempis

I have been a mom, a “parent” for 27 years and one thing that has changed in me for the better is my level of patience. Granted, it took the reading of many books on parenting, patience, motivation etc... to get here, but I did. Okay, there are some days (menopause related) where my patience, or lack there of can be embarrassing. We all have them, but it's when we exhibit impatience on a regular basis that can land us in trouble. As my husband would say, “on average you've become a really patient person.” Let me explain: In the world I grew up in, my family wasn't really known for their patience. Instant gratification, rage and anger was usually how things were handled, with the notable exception of my father (I'll circle back to him later). It was like living with a welfare version of a daily soap opera. Everything was a drama, every problem was somebody else's fault and everything must have been some kind of conspiracy. All of which was of course balderdash and really quite exhausting.

As I grew, I watched how this lifestyle generated far more problems than it ever solved and so I decided that I would not be like that. It was a conscious decision turned into an emotion driven cause. Twenty eight years ago, when I realized that I would soon be having a child, I furthered that cause by reading everything I could on being a parent. And wonder of wonder, they all said basically the same thing, love, patience and consistency. Okay, that's an area where aside from my Navy job, I had zero experience. I had to learn and apply a whole new set of skills, they are still a work in progress. I think patience is a lifetime learning curve and no matter who you are, its something that must be consciously applied daily to take root and grow. Some people, like my father, whom my husband says is “the most patient man he ever met,” start with a bit more patience. If you knew my mother, you would understand. They have a natural gift of letting life’s issues roll off them like water off a duck's back. That gift of natural patience however, is not given to all and the rest of us have to consciously apply the brakes, when life gets rolling. That's me.

In the instant gratification and hurry up world of today, patience seems to be becoming something of a lost art. But, it is necessary to really gain, or develop anything of true and lasting value. The old saying goes, “Rome wasn't built in a day” may be a bit understated. It is still being built and rebuilt some 2,700 years after things started coming together on the isthmus. That is real patience and it's something we need to remember to employ as we forge ahead into the future. The internet, for better or worse, has made an unbelievable amount of information, some true and a surprising amount of random fiction, available to everyone, all the time. Digital communities spring to life in days and sometime hours, but they lack the foundations that true communities need. The shared effort and sacrifice over time is the glue that bind communities and cultures together for the long haul. The children of the digital age lack that kind of perspective and I fear that they will not have the staying power, the patience, to make real and lasting positive change, or decisions as history unfolds. I hope I'm wrong here, only time (no matter if you believe in the concept or not) will tell.

The point is, I believe, that like anything of real and lasting value, patience and its rewards are earned not given and impatience is usually rewarded with things going astray. I have seen on the news case after case of everything from auto wrecks to CEOs and NFL coaches and managers being kicked to the curb (even if they were doing a good job and the right thing), due to lack of patience in our society. This trend “can only lead to tears” (thanks Bartok the bat from the movie Anastasia). The zero to hero back to zero curve has gotten too short for real positive and lasting change to take hold. The same is true in our political arena, where presidents are judged on whether they can solve decades old social and political issues in the first two years of their administrations. As they say on the ESPN Monday Night Live, NFL football show... “C'mon man!” Lack of patience is a key component in allowing those issues to continue, as we continually play musical chairs with the people at the top, while leaving the same old perpetuators, or should I say perpetrators, in the House and Senate, because we are too impatient to do some research and choose our candidates based on that; instead of name recognition and some vague promise to “make things better.” For them maybe, but really not for the people who were foolish enough to just push button “A” because its there.

No patience equals no reward. That's just the way it is. There is so much more to say about patience, but like life and patience itself, it will have to come in time.

How will you build patience today?

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Daily Mood Quotes - January 5, 2012

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 231 – January 5, 2012

“Compassion is not religious business, it is human business, it is not luxury, it is essential for our own peace and mental stability, it is essential for human survival.”

~Dalai Lama

I like the Dalai Lama's quotes because they are true, regardless of what religion you may follow or faith you may ascribe too. I have always said, the truth is the truth no matter its source. You can't run from it, you can't hide it and you can't bury it under religious dogma. Although many have tried, the truth always has a way of coming to the surface.

How many of us consider ourselves to be a compassionate person? I'm sure many of us delude ourselves on this one. It is very easy to say you're a compassionate person, but actions speak louder than words. Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compassion) describes compassion as, “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” It's not only an action, its a feeling too, the urge to “help.” But yet, in our world, many of us turn too easily away from those who have been stricken with misfortune and make statements like “better them than me,” or “glad its not me,” or “It's not my problem,” or “it must be their own fault;” which by the way seems to be the insidious position of most GOP candidates and a rabid minority that haven't had life collapse around them. The erroneous belief is; “they must of done something wrong to deserve the misfortune in their lives.” Well gee whiz kids, bad things happen to good people all the time. Ask the people in Joplin, Missouri; Tuscaloosa, Alabama; drought victims in Texas, or the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Sometimes, you can do everything right and for the right reason and still have everything go horribly wrong. Been there, done that; its just that simple. The thing is, nobody is immune to suffering tragedy, or loss in their lives. From the best of us to the worst of us, that is a constant of the human condition. Compassion for those who have fallen on hard times, regardless of causality is essential, if we are to continue as a civilization.

Here's what I mean: If you look across the span of history at major human contributions, things that have really made the world a better place, you will find that there have been as many, if not more positive contributions from children of adversity, than there have been from children of privilege. It has often been acts of compassion which have provided those children of adversity with the opportunity to contribute to the betterment of all of mankind. I will bet (if I were a betting woman) that if you were to sum it all up and graph it out (which I will not attempt to do), that simple small acts of compassion have spawned more great achievements and leaps in wisdom and knowledge, than all the icy facts and figures accumulated in the world. So, when you reach out to somebody with compassion, you stand a good chance of not only helping them, but yourself and all of mankind, because you never know where that next great contribution will be coming from.

I realized we live in a judgmental age. We spoke recently about the “me” versus the “we” and peoples need to find some manner of ascendency over other people, not for the sake a being a better person, but for the sake of being better than...That is not a good thing, the thinking here is all backward. The world is just too small and there are far too many people for that mindset to continue. There will always be somebody better and there will always be somebody who needs a hand-up (compassion) to make a go of it. Jayler Bardem said, “I think we are living in selfish times. I'm the first one to say that I'm the most selfish. We live in the so-called “first world,” and we may be first in a lot of things like technology, but we are behind in empathy.” There isn't a big leap between empathy and compassion. Empathy is the feeling, compassion is the impulse to reach out. You need both. Unless of course you wish to wind up like Mr. Potter (played by Lionel Barrymore) in It's a Wonderful Life, when George Bailey (James Stewart) said to Mr. Potter, “People were human beings... But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they're cattle. Well in my book, my father died a much richer man than you'll ever be!”

I came across a quote by an unknown author that I feel applies today, “it is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others.” I am no psychologist for sure but, I think maybe it's possible people are dispassionate and non-empathic because they're so afraid of somebody taking advantage of them, that they have forgotten that it is the exception, not the rule; no matter what we may hear on the evening news, or online. A little investigation and common sense is all that's needed to discern between the two. I believe that fear (the original evil) has driven us into ourselves and away from our fundamental humanity. To me is the saddest thing and the first step on the dysfunctional road to making the world a more bitter, not a better place. My father in-law once said (I'm paraphrasing) “You'll find more answers by looking outside than by staring at what's in your closet.” And so it is. Compassion is always a step in a better direction.

How will you demonstrate, feel compassion today?

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Daily Mood Quotes - January 4, 2012

Daily Mood Quote

Day 230 – January 4, 2012

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

~Robert Fulgham

Do you ever wonder if we are a world of extremes? In my opinion, I think we are and my husband agrees. It is one of our fundamental points of view and it is what has gone wrong in every area of American life and in our western culture in general. From politics to family life, to relationships, we have taken the concept of more, and bigger is better, way behind the bounds of rationality. In that sense we had destabilized and unbalanced not only our lives, but the lives of our children. Let me point out that I don't believe that this has been the product of any particular malicious, or malevolent plan, it just sort of happened. We have lost our equilibrium!

How else can you explain that we as a nation, can justify paying grown adults to play games “for us” (golf, basketball, hockey, football, car racing) with seven and eight figure salaries? While the teachers of our children continually struggle to make ends meet, while being blamed for the ills of our society. Show me the balance; wait a minute there is no balance to our priorities. Additionally, media and public attention will focus with laser like intensity on those espousing the more extreme political and social agendas, leaving no room for compromise, discussions...balance. A clear example of this is our dysfunctional legislative branch of government, Congress. We blame them for not doing anything, yet it was our focus on their extreme political viewpoints that put them into office in the first place. It's no one else's fault...but ours, it's our culture, and yet we wonder why things are not good for everybody. Like Mr. Miyagi (played by Pat Morita) said to Daniel (played by Ralph Macchio, who was recently on Dancing with the Stars) in the movie Karate Kid, “Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?” That's the problem, we can't, or we refuse to understand tha basic tenant. Apparently, it's too simple a concept to grasp.

The reason this comes up today is we recently encountered a situation where we observed an interaction between two younger people that left us wondering where the balance in the relationship was. Is this indicative of how all young folk think? Boy, I hope not. It seems that in many relationships and in so much of life, we have lost the ability to compromise and the “my way or the highway” attitude pervades every area of life and erodes our understanding of and empathy for others. Who by the way, no matter who you are, outnumber you by a ratio of seven billion to one. So, it would make sense to be open to finding common ground. Right? Imagine what would happen to our world if seven billion plus people, had seven billion plus different agendas and nobody would budge. I think we are almost there! But, I have hope that eventually things will even out. In the vast chunk of time in which our species exists, this storm of overt self-interest can only be a blip. But storms can do long term damage and life isn't a television reality show. (Warning “stream of consciousness” observation ahead!) In fact, I believe reality shows have absolutely nothing to do with reality. We see more of them because they are cheaper to produce, no big stars, no hugh payrolls and they don't have to pay the Screen Actors Guild: Cheap and sloppy television; might as well watch YouTube, as most people have discovered.

Anyhow, back to balance. Wallace D. Wattles said, “The calm and balanced mind is the strong and great mind; the hurried and agitated mind is the weak one.” I believe the fundamental confusion that enwraps us is the valuation, or lack of balance, between two simple words; “me” and “we.” I am a product of the “Me generation” whose apparent sole focus has been on “me, myself, and I,” “the inner peace of me,” “the success of me,” and “the relationship between me and (place deity here).” Note in the last phrase the order of the statement is of particular importance and concern. It can be followed by, “why doesn't he/she love me?” “why don't they get me?” and last but not least, the omnipresent “what's in it for me?” Let's be honest here, I will bet that everyone reading this and everyone you know has taken one or more of these points of view at some time in their life, myself included. It's pervasive and hard to resist. If not, you're a saint; go directly to heaven and if you pass go collect...on the way (Thanks Monopoly for the phraseology). The irony is deep here, Monopoly, really? Go figure.

The thing is, life can't be all about “me,” nor can it be all about “we.” There is a whole “nother” set of dysfunction that falls into that category (we can talk about that later). It comes down to fundamentally balancing “we” (all of humanity, the earth, the environment, our spirits, etc.) and “the me.” I think that's the trick to finding the peace and harmony that we all seek; even if we don't consciously process that while shopping and role playing online, on Wii and on Xbox and reading self-help books.

I really took note of the last point the other day, when I took a walk through a rather large book store (guess which one) near me and was aghast by the sheer volume of self-help, self-psychology, and navel-gazing self analysis books. My goodness, who has the time? Lots of advice to get to a simple point that's been around for generations and in every culture....Balance. Balance life, balance diet, balance exercise, balance joy and sorrow (they both have important teaching roles in our lives) and especially balance the proportions of we and me. Then, I believe we can find and appreciate the real wonders and precious lessons that our all too brief lives have to offer. To qoute Mr. Miyagi yet again, “Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life. Whole life have balance, everything better. Understand?

How will you find a balance today?

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Thank you for reading

Daily Mood Quotes - January 3, 2012

Daily Mood Quote

Day 229 – January 3, 2012

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

~Mark Twain

Yesterday morning, I looked outside and realized we probably had enough snow on the ground to shovel. But, figuring it was a holiday Monday as New Year's Day was on a Sunday this year, my husband and I did not rush out into the suddenly frigid January air, to shovel driveways. We had a slower start to our day and wanted to begin this New Year by spending the first couple of days at home, just enjoying the time together with our children. The holiday season this year was a rough one, punctuated by extreme, frenetic busyness (visiting family out-of-town) because of a death, funeral and the Christmas holiday. So, we needed some quiet, peaceful time to collect our thoughts and gather our sense of equilibrium again. We decided that we were going to take that time, without regret or remorse... it's how you stay healthy, you know.

Anyway to continue with my snow covered story; I took my lunch dishes to the kitchen sink yesterday and happened to look outside and noticed that someone was shoveling our elderly neighbor's driveway. Normally (for the past two years), my husband and I were doing the shoveling after it snowed, but yesterday was different. Someone we could not recognize (heavy winter outdoor attire), was shoveling our neighbor's driveway. What a pleasant surprise to see someone else stepping up and stepping in to do a kindness, for an 89 year old man who ought not to be shoveling snow. A bit later my husband did get out to shovel our driveway and to his wonderment, our other elderly neighbor's driveway, the one on the other side of the house, was also done (we live in a bit of a “senior sandwich” with older neighbors on each side and us “youngsters” in between). In fact, most of the driveway's in the neighborhood had been cleared. This was awesome we thought; truly a fantastic way to start off the New Year. We were delighted and my husband whistled his way through our driveway in short order.

We have no idea who the mystery shoveler is, but we are thankful for their magnanimous display of neighborly kindness. In fact, I'll bet we were happier than the neighbors who had their driveway's shoveled. BRAVO...You are a true, kind and wonderful person.... whoever you are. Thank you.

Mother Theresa said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness. Kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” That's the really cool thing about kindness, it radiates outward (and inward too) and positively affects people who are not even direct recipients of the kindness. We felt good all day about that, even though we shoveled our own driveway. Like Morgan Freeman, who played God in the movie Evan Almighty said to Evan Baxter (played by Steve Carell), “How do you change the world? One Act of Random Kindness” (at a time). Enough said.

What “kindness” will you display today?

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Thank you for reading

Daily Mood Quotes - January 2, 2012

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 228 – January 2, 2012

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.

~Sally Field

Recently, I overheard a young lady put herself down and ask the question, “What's wrong with me?” A group of friends were trying to get together to have an afternoon outing before the “normalness” of life (family, school, work, etc.) returned after the holidays. Well, you know the saying, “the best laid plans of mice and men,” once again had gone astray. All of the sudden, some of the friends couldn't go; they had other commitments and they were texting the leader of this group to cancel. Unfortunately, this upset one young lady very much, which resulted in her lashing out at one of her friends. This prompted the aforementioned young lady to question her own character; to ask “What's wrong with me??? Now, I understand that this happens, it happened to me, once or twice in my life, but when somebody deliberately and with malice attacks another's character, virtue, or good intent for just simply helping... well, they should be ashamed of themselves. Make no mistake, this behavior is wrong and hurts feelings, which begins to cause loss of trust in a relationship. This is the precursor of a fast-moving death spiral in any relationship.

An unknown author said, “Success comes in cans, not can'ts.” A lot of what success is about is “attitude” and if you allow the can'ts provided by other people to determine your opinion of yourself, then the can'ts will always outnumber the cans. Understand this; the “can'ts” can come from just about anyone, a spouse, a teacher, a friend, a family member, a boss and a complete and total stranger, but the can and the belief in yourself, can only come from inside you. One of my favorite quotes comes from David Brinkley, he said, “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” That foundation starts with the belief that you can do something, be someone remarkable and follow your better purpose. Let's face it, it's challenging to not succumb to the accumulated negativity of others and the pressures of society in general. Even my husband who has been born with a God given art talent has found himself, “frozen” by the can'ts and the pressures to make his work “commercially viable”; all based on his parent's favorite saying, “I don't know how your gonna make a living doing that.” It comes subtly; it creeps into the back of your mind and can ensnare the most educated and self-assured, if they are not mindful of it and it's something we all face. The key is to make the conscious effort to overcome the subconscious negative messages. To give more weight to the “I can” than to the blizzard of “you can't.”

In the case of the young lady; well it seems she thought it through and decided that the problem wasn't with her, but with the timing of things... that's not something we can control. So she let it go. Bravo!

The coming of the new year provides us with an opportunity to reset our internal compasses and follow the path of “I can” and leave behind the negative “you can'ts” that have been dragging us down. I know it sounds somewhat trite, but it is true never the less; all “fresh starts” begin with a fresh attitude about ourselves and our possibilities. The key is to make the positive “I cans” sing above the murmur of the accumulated negative inputs into our lives. That track, like pops and scratches on a record album, can be annoying, but it does not detract from the music that our spirits are meant to sing in our lives. The original “master recordings” are there for us, if we simply stop and listen to our hearts.

Wendy Wasserstein said, “Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.”

Helen Keller (blind and deaf) was remarkable, Beethoven (deaf) was remarkable, Steven Hawking 

(amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), sometimes known as Lou Gehrig's disease) is remarkable. I can, so can you...

How “remarkable” will you be today?

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Thank you for reading.

Daily Mood Quotes - January 1, 2012

 

Daily Mood Quote

Day 227 – January 1, 2012

Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it.

~Harry Emerson Fosdick

It is better to live in peace than in bitterness and strife.

~Confucius

So many things to cover today. First, it's a new year, 2012. My family and I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year, may this year bring you peace, joy, good health, success and happiness.

Secondly, I would like to say thank you to everyone for the condolences and prayers for my father. My father passed away peacefully shortly before Christmas day. I will forever be grateful for the short amount of time I got to spend with him before he was called home. I am also relieved that my father did not suffer for a long period of time; that was grace from above.

I choose these quotes today, because after spending a week back home, I saw so much angst, anger and bitterness and heard too many stories about family disputes, which in my opinion, shouldn't matter. Nor should these disputes be given the weight many family members have ascribed to them. We only have one life to live and my husband says, “You have a choice; to be bitter, or to be better.” holding on to anger only creates a bitterness, which can become the controlling factor of one's life. And the biggest mistake people make is passing that anger and bitterness onto the next generation. They carry it forward, without any good reason, but a disposition of “my parents were angry about this and so I too should be angry.” Anger carried forward, is the great failing of mankind. Louis L'Amour said, “Anger is a killing thing, it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than had been before - it takes something from him.” And so we “take” from the next generation with every “anger” that we pass along. This leave us all a little worse off. Mohandas Gandhi is remembered for saying “ An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” I agree.

Let me explain with two stories. I have a sister with whom I was once close to as child. I saw her at Christmas and again at our father's funeral. She too was adopted by him, her biological father had passed away years earlier. Anyway, many years ago my mother told her a lie. She said, I made negative comments about the man she was marrying. Instead of coming to me and asking me if I made those comments, she chose to believe the lie and she stopped talking to me and disinvited me to her wedding. Years went by before I found out the reason why my sister didn't want me at her wedding and why she had stopped talking to me. In earlier blogs I shared the difficulties I had with my mother; this was just one of her ways of controlling the family, by division. She lied and because of her lies, again...my sister has had this anger, which has grown into a bitterness for more than 25 years. This to me is sad, that a parent would create such sibling discord, for no reason. The saddest part to this story is, now that our parents are gone, I have no real reason to go home again, or to even be a part of anyones life. All because of the lies that were told by mom, carried forward by family members and now told to the next generation. Sometimes, I wish we could be a more mature family and ask the questions to find out the truth; rather than to build on speculation, which can cause years of anger and bitterness and eventually turns into unfounded hatred.

The next story comes from my husband's side of the family. We have been estranged from his family for ten years and this trip back home was bittersweet. It was the first time my husband saw his father in ten years. My husband's mother had passed away in October. Unfortunately, his family is still as crazy as ever, except it would seem that they have turned it up a notch. My husband's bother-in-law coined the phrase for them “The Dysfunction” as in “why would you go back and engage “The Dysfunction?” He is 100% correct. They seem psychologically unable to grasp the concept that we are grown-ups and have our own lives and responsibilities. And that unbidden meddling in their siblings' lives is a bad thing. They leapt to the conclusion that we were moving, or had moved back and were in desperate need of their help and guidance, neither of which is even remotely true (you've had heard of the old saying, “with friends (family) like that, who needs enemies”). My husband was happy to see his father and he and his dad had the opportunity to resolve and close the book on many things. That was good. But, we were delighted to put as many miles between us and them as humanly possible, as soon as possible. We wonder if it is far enough? Probably not. Anyway, that's last year, and I'm sure this year we may have to endure more interference and wild assumptions from his family. As my husband says, “God bless them, I feel sorry for them; but I can't have anything to do with them.”

On are trip back to where we call home, my husband and I observed many similarities with few distinctions between the families. The parts seem almost interchangeable at this point, there is almost a sibling for sibling parallel in behavior, with the exception that I have one more sibling. We have the crazies (literally), the controlling, the manipulators and the bare-faced liars; most of which seem angry all the time. That said, it was an interesting Christmas and funeral. So, in respect to our families my husband and I agree with Charles (played by Hugh Grant) in the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral, “Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not.”

By contrast and too our great relief, our cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. (from my husband's side of the family) “from the other side of the street” or “town” provided a welcome breeze of sanity and some very good food. We are thankful for that. They have put aside the petty rivalries, disagreements and other family nonsense to move forward with their lives. They have chosen well. The choice is as my husband said to be bitter, or to be better. To quote my cousin-in-law, "your life would make a great Lifetime movie, you should write it." Maybe, we'll see. 

Let us all hope for and resolve toward “better” in the new year.

What will you choose this year, "bitter" or "better?"

Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote

Thank you for reading