Daily Mood Quote
Day 142 – September 22, 2011
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.
~William James
Acceptance, the seventh step in “the seven stages of grief” and, in my opinion one of the hardest to get through. Yesterday, was a day of realization for me. My husband took me for a drive early in the morning to see the beauty of the day, the sunrise, the scattering clouds with a touch of blue sky behind them. Some of the trees colors are beginning to change and the air was a bit nippy. It was beautiful, it really was. Then my husband asked me, “Did you see that?' “it was a deer” (An old habit he is working on, he knows better than to ask me that, but I understand his excitement). I didn't and at that moment in time I realized that my life was never going to be what it once was. I began to tear up a little, hiding it from my husband as best I could. It's difficult to share in the excitement of seeing nature's beauty when you can't see it. My vision is becoming challenging.
You see, I remember and in many ways long for the days where I could go off and do things on my own. I drove a car, could walk through the mall on my own, go shopping alone and even be adventurous, when I felt snarky. For me, adventurous was going some place I had never been. It's amazing how quickly we take things for granted. Things most people do everyday of their lives like drive a car... It's a right of passage isn't it? But, what happens when it's gone?
In was July, 2008, the last time I was behind the wheel of a car. I was driving to work, headed into the sunrise, and I could not tell what color the light was; red, yellow or green. So, without realizing it, I drove through a red light with a police car right behind me (I didn't know they were there) and they pulled me over. At the standard request, “driver license and registration please” I handed it to the female police officer, while violently shaking like a leaf in hurricane force winds. She went back to her car, while her partner stood on the passenger side of my car, to call in my license. I wasn't afraid of receiving a ticket; I earned this one by running a red light. I was very shaken, because I really couldn't see the signal, and my thought was, “This time its a light, next time it might be a pedestrian, or another car.” I knew I had to reassess whether I should be driving anymore. The police officer came back and ask me if I could see the light, I answered her honestly; she put away her ticket pad, followed me to work to ensure I got there safely and told me I had a “decision to make.” My reply was, “Yes, ma'am I do.” My boss was kind enough to drive me home at the end of the workday.
We can't control those things that happen to us, good or bad, but we can control the reactions we have to them. I wanted to believe I could still do it all, be independent, be free and have a life. But, I realized yesterday, the only way to do that is to make the necessary changes that will allow me to be independent and have a life. In the movie Soul Surfer, Bethany Hamilton (played by Anna Sophia Robb), a teenager who lost her arm in a shark attack said, “I don't need easy. I just need possible.” And, so it is with me.
The second part of acceptance in the seven stages of grief is hope. With hope all things are possible. So, my husband thinks we can mount a video camera on the car and catch nature's beauty on video, so I can watch it on TV. Shopping will, from now on, always be a team sport, and my husband says, he'll learn to love walking in the women's department at J.C.Penny's (he was laughing while he said this). The one thing I will miss, playing my music very loud in the car while I'm driving. That's okay, because yesterday on the way home from Wal-mart, my husband played Boston's (the band) “Peace of Mind” so loud in the car, you could feel the vibrations of the instruments in the seat. He says “You just can't play Boston loud enough.” I think this will work out just fine.
Paul Tournier said, “Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation, it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices.” I realize that there is a great chance that I will not be hired, because of my vision (their loss). And, I know I will never qualify for disability (My GPA in my second year of grad school is a 4.0). So no impediment to doing useful work, except if the organization I apply to is more “myopic” than I am. To quote PINK, “So what! I'm still a rock star!” Okay, maybe I'm not really a “rock star,” so, let's skip the pity party and skip to a better tomorrow. By the way, my husband told me about a car that can drive itself, Google is using them to generate street views in California and elsewhere. A seeing eye car, cool. Can I get one and where do I stand in line?
Where will you find renewed “hope” today?
Tune in tomorrow to read the daily mood quote
Thank you for reading
